today my family got back from yet another vacation without me. i shouldn't say it like that because i chose not to go, but still it says something. i stayed home from thursday until today on a budget of 15$. over my time alone i found out that i hate sleeping in an empty place, i can be independent, i need my friends, and by watching the office and reading you can numb your pain and forget your fears. i realize that much of that is paradoxical statements and the last bit seems a little over the top. it is all very much true. let's start with
#1: i hate sleeping in an empty place. i hardly spent anytime alone in my house, even though i had the house to myself. i was either out and about with people, or people came to keep me company. the rest of the time i was sleeping and unaware of the fact that no one was with me. thursday after my parents left i went to christy's and when i came home kevin came by and then brian came and spent the night with me. the next night i got home and went to bed immediately. and last night i freaked out when i got home because i was alone and for some reason it scared me. i did loads of laundry, watched the office, and read eclipse to keep me distracted. i sent out text messages asking for people to come over. brian came to visit me and then i felt that i could go to sleep without fear. i basically worried myself to sleep.
#2: my parents weren't here and therefore i basically had license to do whatever i wanted whenever i wanted. i planned accordingly with my schedule and coordinated with others. even with a lack of funding i was able to survive with the help of my wonderful friends. and that brings me to
#3: without my friends i would've been stranded in my house alone and without money. sarah and claire were very understanding about my situation and extremely generous. brian cared enough to stop by and when i called and sounded scared he knew to ask what was wrong, and even though i couldn't bring myself to tell him, just the fact that he asked was enough to make me feel better. i owe claire for driving me around. i owe sarah for listening to me and including me when she knew i was alone. i owe brian for caring.
#4: that is just a personal preference. basically if you surround yourself with simple, yet positive things then you will be fine.
now a synopsis of my weekend. for 4th of july, sarah and i went to Berkeley/san Francisco. while visiting her sister meagan's new place we discovered that meagan lives very close to my grandma and i got to visit her which i think made her very happy. we just went around and looked at expensive things we wished we could buy. for dinner we were going to go to bubba gumps, but it was WAY crowded and we ended up going to the elephant bar. i love the city and i love sarah wong.
saturday colin got the group together at country club lanes for bowling. claire, sarah, christy, and i shared a lane. sex and the city bowling, complete with flip flops and bright pink bowling balls. after bowling we all headed to colin's house which is very nice and large. despite the "swimming" specification, we still refused to swim only to spite kevin. it is causing tensions. after a tour of the house and chill time in colin's bedroom, claire sarah and i headed home.
after i came home i began my freak out, feeling like i had nothing to do and not being ok with my lack of human interacion. to soothe myself i read chapters of eclipse, alternating with an episode of the office season one. i did a few loads of laundry and stayed up until i could barely keep my eyes open. brian's short visit signaled time to go to bed and so i slept. i woke up around 9:15 and got to my chores immediately. i finished around 11:45 and met stephanie and sarah at vic's. i went home and watched magical mystery tour. i don't understand that movie at all. i figure you have to be on drugs to appreciate it fully. i also just watched garden state which is a very clever and touching movie. it made me feel and think, all i ask in a movie. i sang along to every song because my carpool used to play that soundtrack everyday in 8th grade. o, ain't life grand?
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