crank that solja boyy

i've been sick for about 2 days. i went home early yesterday but today i just stuck it out because there was a rally at the end of the day. i'm really glad i stayed because the rally was pretty fun and i always enjoy things like that. although i must say screaming wasnt such a good idea considering my condition.

holy bowl was on saturday. i actually had a really good time. i appreciate my school and my friends at my own school. the entire game i stayed in one place and watched it with all of my friends and took advantage of my own school event and cheered for my own school's football team. all of the other kids seem to not really understand what holy bowl is all about and the public school kids just take advantage of it as a place to make fools of themselves.

i took my first AP unit test yesterday. it was pretty nerve racking but not too bad. i'm going to get through this and i am going to pass AP. i know i can do it.

this coming saturday ryan is having a birthday party. i'm pretty excited because i will get to go to a party with my own friends from school. ryan is such a sweet heart. when everyone else is being an ass he is always sure to try and be nice. i can't believe he didnt tell me about his sweet 16!

for the most part, things are good. despite any down moments i have, things seem to even out and end up all right.

p.s. i didnt get the job at urb, but its ok. i'll just keep trying.

always get hit out of nowhere and end up on your own

miss [mis] –verb (used with object)

1.	to fail to hit or strike: to miss a target.

2.	to fail to encounter, meet, catch, etc.: to miss a train.

3.	to fail to take advantage of: to miss a chance.

4.	to fail to be present at or for: to miss a day of school.

5.	to notice the absence or loss of: When did you first miss your wallet?

6.	to regret the absence or loss of: I miss you all dreadfully.

7.	to escape or avoid: He just missed being caught.

8.	to fail to perceive or understand: to miss the point of a remark.

–verb (used without object)

9.	to fail to hit something.

10.	to fail of effect or success; be unsuccessful.

–noun

11.	a failure to hit something.

12.	a failure of any kind.

13.	an omission.

14.	a misfire.

bold deffinitions are valid to my current situations.
right now i am in an emotional state of unrest. i feel that nothing can go quite right, which makes me in an increasingly bad mood when it is necessary to be in a good one. in my mind, everything is wrong, out of place, not working. in reality, its not.

i miss someone. that can set everything off. my mind wanders. i'm not quite sure the solution to that one because one variable of the equation is out of my control.

i'm missing the target. a failure of any kind, of some kind. i procrastinate on my work, i'm lazy. things aren't going the way i feel they should and it is most likely my own fault. there is something i am doing wrong. hit or miss, and i'm missing the mark every time.

i'm going to miss my chance. i can feel myself letting them slip by, the chances. i'm too unmotivated at the moment to catch them before they leave me. i know i will regret it when i figure this out. i've probably already missed a few.

i'm missing the point. i don't understand. why does it have to be like this? what can i do about it? i wish i could tell everyone everything always so i wouldn't have to deal with them on my own, but that is just not possible. it would only cause more damage, instead of help me to repair anything.

i have got to take care of this all. all of it must be taken care of, or at least gotten rid of.

riding in cars with boys

tonight i had an interesting realization. i'm a sucker for boys who can drive me around. i don't know what it is, but there is something about a boy who has his license and can either pick me up or drop me off or drive me wherever. tonight i rode with 2 different, new boys with cars, and many times i've ridden with numerous others. when i'm with them and we either talk or just get to spend time, i get that feeling. the one you get when you are with someone you like. its wierd. i get it with people i hardly even talk to that much or with people i just never would expect to have those kinds of feelings for. its not like i automatically get a crush on them, but for those few minutes or however long i feel a certain connection with them that makes what i'm guessing to be my hormones go nuts.

i find it weird, and yet interesting.

more than just holding hands

i haven't written anything in an extremely long time. i had a feeling that this was all really pointless, but then i remembered that the point was for me to record what happened for myself. so obviously a lot of stuff has happened between my last post and now. i don't even remember.
pretty much i'm editing my christmas card list, if you understand that. it means that certain friends i'm finding to not be real friends. i don't deal with that.
i also went to emily rose's party last weekend. it was really fun and i met some cool people as well as hungout with cool people i already knew. we swam and dressed cool. i'd like to do it more often.
i got my first history quiz back and i got a 45/50 on it which is pretty impressive. i'm very proud of myself.
yesterday i got my hair done. i was at the salon for 5 hours. we had to do a little of what you would call "color correction" so that means they bleached my hair,minus the nice roots. then they colored the roots. then they colored the rest another color. then they toned it. then they cut it. it pretty much looks amazing. i now have straight across bangs and look super trendy. i love it.
just a minute ago i watched about a million sarah morrison videos. she is kind of wierd. she is like 27 years old and she does all those video blogs about random things. i wonder what she will do when she gets to be like 30. she can't just keep doing what she is doing forever. partying, living in shambles and whatnot. whatever.

i have homework to do and i have soccer pictures this evening at like....5:45. wtf. and then we are having some sort of BBQ. i hope it is fun.