death cup

now, i'll be the first to say that the excuse "everyone is doing it" is not a valid argument for why anyone should do anything, but from my observation the aforementioned statement is more than often true. from my adventures this summer, especially recently like tonight, i've seen some of the most unexpected people doing "average" teenage activities, most of whom you would never expect to take part in such activities. (i will refrain from using names.)i also have to admit that people probably think the same of me, but the reality is that we are all teenagers and we are all susceptible. i do admire the amount of responsibility that everyone i observe seems to have. you always hear the tragic stories of kids who had one too many and their friends were too stupid to do anything before it was too late. maintain that a little harmless fun is no problem as long as it remains harmless. so i suggest you learn your beer pong rules and have a good number of DDs you can trust. have fun. stay safe.

Music: Lessons Learned - Matt and Kim

I'm Just a Girl

being one of the guys is something that i thoroughly enjoy, but no matter what i'm just a girl and i have to say Gwen Stefani and Hayley Williams (Paramore) will make any girl, even me, damn proud to say so. last night i had the pleasure of seeing the ultimate performers of No Doubt for the small price of 10$ and i can't say i've ever gotten more bang for my buck. Paramore, one of my all time favorites (as well as the Sounds who we missed) opened for the classic rockstars. i've always had a huge girl crush of Hayley and it will never go away as i found out last night. their sound was good and she was as fiery as ever. however amazing, no one could've compared to Gwen. her and the guys know how to rock the amphitheatre. i had so much fun dancing to old hits including Spiderweb, Hey Baby, It's My Life, Don't Speak, and of course so many more. all three bands had amazing frontwomen who hang with the guys and i love that. strong, leading women that make the female race proud.





Music: I'm Just a Girl - No Doubt

i will survive

i feel that everything is wrong. i need to not make things into a bigger deal than they are. don't sweat the small stuff and hey, it is all small stuff.
i'm sure everything is fine. just dust it off. just dust it off.

im going to go crawl into a ball until it all goes away. it WILL all GO AWAY.

___________________//edit//________________________________
last night i was confronted with one of my greatest fears and i thought that if i just avoided it and told myself it wasn't happening then it wouldn't be happening. i freaked myself out and worked myself up to the point of no return and then ended up uncomfortable and unable to function. my original solution for fixing that was to cease function, crawl into a ball, and sleep (or attempt to) until it all disappeared. i quickly learned that this method obviously does not work and thanks to my luck i turned on the TV where Unfabulous' Addie Singer reminded me that honest relationships are the best kind so i was honest and i got an honest response. that honesty equalled a huge sigh of relief.

Music: As You Sleep - Something Corporate

listography

as of recently i've been making millions of little lists in my head. Clothes I Want To Buy For College: flattering flannels/button downs, dark wash jeans, a new peacoat/outerwear jacket. Plans For The Week: clean house, blancos/habit/sleepover, car washing, possible sf trip, no doubt. Miscellaneous Things I Didn't Know i Needed: sports bras, bobby pins, moleskins. Things I Need For My Dorm: desk lamp, comforter, a ton of stuff i don't even know yet. basically i'm getting ready to go to college in a month and have hella shit to get/do. shopping for all of this stuff is kind of a hassle and i kind of just want it to be over. i'm also freaking out that i will end up forgetting something essential and feel stupid. it is times like these when i wish i were the younger sibling so i would know from my older sibling's experience and my parents would be more knowledgeable as well. and although the lists are a hassle, they distract me from the questions and worries of all the things that will change. sometimes i think about certain people/things that will definitely be different, far away, and unpredictable. those of you who know me know i don't do well in situations where i don't hold a good amount of control over my own circumstances. is this growing up? that is the biggest, most frequently asked question these days.

Music: The Shins

believe in magic

of course i saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince at midnight because i am a HUGE HP fan and wouldn't have missed it for the world. the festivities kicked off at JR's with some epic t-shirt making where i perfected my abilities to draw the iconic harry potter font. a few go girls to go around and we were in line for 3 hours waiting to get our seats, which ended up being very good.




as for the movie, it was overall quite good. i love the filters and they style of all of the HP films. everyone is beautiful and glows. it truly is magical. my only disappointment was the fact that they overly focused on the many budding romantic relationships and left out what i feel were a few important details/explanations. of course being heavily emotionally invested, i cried when Dumbledore died and felt upset in the end in anticipation for what is to come.

it is things like HP which make me smile. i enjoy being a part of the generation who got to grow up with HP. when i'm older i will tell young people about how i read HP when it came out, got the books, and saw the movies at midnight. it is like when we ask our parents about if they remember the original Star Trek or if they saw Star Wars when it first came out. it is things like this which define our generation. i like having definition.

_________//Part Two//________________________________________

i've been in weird moods lately. i feel super aware of a lot of different things. it is unexplainable. i've been kind of overwhelmed with the amount of epic events i've been to recently and i think i need to just chill out and have "normal" fun. today was great because all i did was run errands with brian. although usually spending 5 hours shopping for a bicycle helmet isn't usually my idea of fun doing something completely ordinary felt quite satisfactory. tomorrow i'm spending the day poolside with stephanie. sleeping is also a great escape. i like having that space right now where i can just let my thoughts flow freely and not get frustrated.

Music: Harry Potter Soundtracks, Jack's Mannequin

Lover's In Mtn View

last night was yet another epic night in my life because i went to Mtn View to see Coldplay! i can't say if it was better than Baby B because it was just different. i loved how they use all different lasers and lights for stage effects. Chris Martin is a beautiful man, and i don't just mean physically. his powerful, amazing voice, his appearance, and all the things he does make him so beautiful. there is something about hearing amazing music live that gives me the chills and brings tears to my eyes. seeing Coldplay live is life changing. they are ridiculously devine.

art is pain

i just finished watching The Doors which is a movie about the band The Doors and Jim Morrison. i really enjoy movies like that. ones that are about real, famous, legendary people. the movies are always artistically done, deep, and make me think about what i will do with my life. all of these art types, like the ever legendary Lizard King himself, were into crazy drugs and had messed up lives. it makes me think if i will ever amount to anything because i live a relatively average life. of course i'm not going to go out and trip on acid or anything like that. i definitely do not want to end up ODing in my bath tub at age 27. i mean i think the man was an amazing poet and had something weird going on in his brain but i hope my life is maybe ten times more glamorous, but i'd be ok with half the success. it is kind of like kurt cobain too. people say they don't believe he killed himself. i'm not sure what to think about that but i think he was probably on so many drugs that it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the large majority of the best or at least most famous artists and visionaries were weirdos. i like to think i am kind of weird. my brain moves a million miles a minute, literally 24/7. my dreams are more often than not wild and crazy. i notice another similar thing about all of these amazing people and that is that they have notebooks and journals documenting all the crazy weird thoughts they have. i want to do that. i want to document everything. i like to think i want to write it down so i will know it later, but maybe i will become legendary and then someone will publish my diary just like kurt cobain.
i can at least dare to dream. i also hope one day i can go to paris and visit Père Lachaise Cemetery where Jim Morrison and so many other amazing people are buried.

Music: The Doors, Janis Joplin, Nirvana

Number One Diva

thursday night all the single ladies headed to Arco Arena to witness the phenomenon that is Beyonce. i say phenomenon because she is all that and more. only Beyonce could make me initially giddy and then quiet my internal monologue for two hours. Beyonce put on one of the best shows i have ever seen. she is ridiculously talented; singing, while dancing, while maintaining her flawless, gorgeous appearance. she is everything a woman should be and more. her all female band, including her back-up singing trio, The Mamas, definitely did her justice while they accompanied her awesome singing voice and one-of-a-kind dance moves with a tight performance. Opera might make us cynical about independent, powerful women, but Beyonce makes us all want to be one just like her. all of my favorites, a few i wasn't familiar with done beautifully, a couple from her movies, and a little tribute to the late and great Michael Jackson made for the show of a lifetime. this is definitely one of the best birthday presents ever, so thank you too all of my friends who made it possible, especially Sarah and Claire!!!





i managed to get quite a few good photos because we were in such great seats!!

Music: Beyonce all day errday

AP=Already Placed

today i got my AP scores in the mail. of course i predicted them all exactly: 4 on Gov, 1 on Lit because i threw the test away, and a 2 on Art. my dad wasn't too happy about art, but that is because he is under the impression that i am super amazing. i know i'm just mediocre and i'm ok with it. the thing about these tests is that i really won't be able to wave any of my college credits. instead of Advancing, i'm already pretty much placed in the level of classes based off of my SAT scores or other requirements my school has. did i waste my time? i don't know but i'm super happy about Gov.

my brain is all over the place. i'd say lately, but really this is always the case. without schoolwork to think about my mind just wanders even more. i have some serious complexes that i want to figure out. i really think i need to see a psychiatrist but financially that wouldn't be practical right now. my family needs to cut down on as many unnecessary expenses as possible. i tried to tell my dad today about how i really need his guidance on this whole paying for college/getting a student loan thing. he really is into the "let the bird fall out of the nest to learn to fly" philosophy when it comes to teaching me things but that is not the best tactic in this situation. failing at this in order to learn my lesson would be life altering. i can't get kicked out of school because they aren't receiving tuition payments. i just need help. i might be numerically and legally an adult but i don't know shit. there, i admitted it: i don't know shit.

Music: PYT - Michael Jackson (thanks to Mina), Fly With Me - The Jonas Brothers

U.S.A.

FOURTH OF JULY OH NINE!!! WHOOO!!! our usual chant never could fail on one of my favorite holidays ever. being quite patriotic from my upbringing, our american tradition of eating delicious food and blowing shit up is just another reason i am proud to be an american. the day consisted of an awesome block party at Claire's where there were tons of people, fun, and food. i got to take a nice drive in the Sylva Bullet when i went to pick up my brother from work. we returned to Claire's to the sight of fireworks and then we went on a walk and played with sparklers. after Katie, Christy, Sarah, and Geanna slept over at my house. Andrew Kwong and Emily Rose stopped by for a bit. Andrew was drunk which made for great entertainment. we watched NYC Prep and GG until we fell asleep. that is my kind of day/night.




Music: America The Beautiful

livin'

today/tonight i've encountered the reality of being an adult as opposed to being a high school student. there are just certain things that adults can seem to get past and accept and high school kids just can't. it seems like ever since we've all graduated we get along better. at least that has been my experience with a lot of people whom i went through rough patches with. all of that nonsense just really doesn't matter.

on another note, welcome to july. we are reaching the middle of our summer vacation and hopefully that includes the peak of fun. for my july i have the plan of concerts (beyonce, coldplay, no doubt), the continuation of my coming home around 3 in the morning every night, partying it up, chilling some more, and lots more gossip girl. i hope everyone else has the same idea.

Music: something ghetto, repetitive, and vulgar