all week i've been having up and down moments. being hormonal does not help in that department, but i feel i've been doing a pretty good job keeping myself in check most of the time. tuesday i went to school and just felt like i did not want to be living at that moment. it wasn't like i wanted to be dead. it was more like i didn't feel productive and wished i could opt out of life that day in order to use it better another day. i did not get to go home but when i did i watched hours of The Real Housewives of Orange County while i laid on the couch in the dark. instantaneous recovery from my mope and then i went to the basketball game, which was awesome.
i realize that my grades will most likely suffer this semester. so far i haven't really been doing anything even though i have things i really should be doing. i have been keeping up on my government reading 9until right now) but i still got a bad grade on the quiz. we took a timed writing in lit today and i definitely bombed it. i'm sure i won't fair well on the Dante's Inferno test we have tomorrow. i should be studying for it now. there is always art as well, which i have not really done anything new since being shot down at portfolio review day. i'm really worried. my whole college plan is kind of slowly going south as of right now. i haven't applied for any of those scholarships my parents are requiring me to somehow get. it is hard to see things in longterm terms.
one good thing is my dreams continue to be loaded with entertainment, irony, and what i hope to be symbolic meaning. i'm keeping a log of them in my moleskin.
Music: Sufjan Stevens
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