stressin'

being a second semester senior is not all it is cracked up to be. i suppose some of the stresses i have are self-obtained, but i like to think that in the long run it will all be worth it. the list of things started out containing: laundry, clean room, paint nails, read for Mr. SyR, read ch8 in gov, read dante packet, revise CCA essay, go to greg's for bussiness, go to brian's for bussiness. so far i've accomplished 5/5 out of 9. most of what is left is just to read things.

aside from the stress, lately i've been needing a lot of affirmation and reassurance about a lot of things. i constantly am reminding myself to maintain confidence, especially in the artistic aspect of my life, but also in other areas. luckily i have claire to more often then not give me the affirmation i'm looking for. i realize that i have almost everything i need to do the things i want. i just have to do it and i have to do it for me and not anyone else. my number one problem with art is that i always worry about what other people will think of it. i suppose that is a problem facing high school art students because they are being graded and art is so subjective. but the fact of the matter is i am good when i do what i want and so i should continue to do it. i watched "My Kid Can Paint That" today and it made me realize that i have the potential to be as successful or more successful than that little girl. in my own right i am more talented and more intellectual than her just on age and experience alone. (i also think she is a fraud).

i'm feeling confident for the photoshoot next week. i have a lot of portfolio enhancing to do this week. i'll probably just post after the photoshoot with some results.

Music: If You Seek Amy - Britney Spears, Starfucker, Clap Your Hands Say Yea, Que Onda Guero - Beck

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last night i went to second saturday with emily rose. we went to molly carpenter's show at atelier and then camilla's show at cuffs. naturally we planned to see Luke and Madylin in all of their glory, but neither of us expected that within a block and a half of getting out of the car we'd already spot them. yes, luke is dating madylin. yes, the same madylin that so often warned me about how much of a jerk he was and how she didn't want me to get hurt. well way to go bitch, i didn't get hurt. i'm not hurt because i realize how stupid luke really is. he does things for his own self interest, but his plan is flawed because he doesn't even know what he wants. the interaction last night was limited but so loaded with awkwardness and satisfaction. i am thoroughly satisfied with the look on madylin's pale face. the one where she tried to seem like she wasn't looking down but she was and her eyes were big. it was the exact face i had anticipated, but better. it said "i know you know everything and i'm a dumb bitch for doing this and even more for not having the balls to say anything to you". it was beautiful and priceless.