do the D-A-N-C-E

thursday night was the dance party at the upstairs. it was amazing-fun. i took some pictures but came to the conclusion that i'm not that great at social photography and i dont really like it that much. i'd rather photograph concerts. i also danced with this really cute black guy for a majority of the night. it was great fun. i made some new friends too.


friday night we had a surprise party for sarah wong. it was a welcome back party. the group [plus male counterparts] and a few other people came to welcome sarah back to america. she wasy surprised and everything went pretty well. we played a game of pictionary. if you were unaware, sarah and i are the dream team of pictionary and we also made meg taylor our newest member. after all the boys left, the girls got in the hot tub for some juicy gossip and discussion. once we were sufficiently pruney, we got out and continued out chatter for a few hours until we all eventually fell asleep. in the morning we got noah's bagels. that was interesting because i was driving and i suck at directions, but we made it there and back safely. also, sarah and claire are reading twilight. it is revolutionary. so far only stephanie refuses to read it. i am in eclipse, though i've been busy so i'm going a bit slow.


tonight i ventured to the underground in roseville for their last show ever. they are closing it down for some reason. the show was bittersweet in a way. i spent many a nights of my middle school and early high school years in that place with both emily rose, jillian, and a whole slew of others. even more close to home was the fact that mozart season played. they had me at the underground almost every weekend for a good 9-12 months freshman year. sadly they aren't the same anymore and they sort of died in my heart with the underground tonight.

dilemma [strange, i know]

today i got to see sarah wong!!!! i was so excited. i'm really happy she is back from france. she gave me her souveniers which were a J'<3 Paris t-shirt [partly from claire] and a statue of the David statue in Florence. of course i am the only person who didn't know what the david statue was. everyone else was like "o cool! a david statue!". i was like "ooh what statue is this?". everyone came to claire's house for pizza and we sat around the hot tub with our feet in and chatted about anything and everything. we are such an adult group. we just sit and talk. haha. i'm glad that we are able to have fun doing simple things. i think the plan for tomorrow is to watch star wars and play pictionary. random, but it should be a good time.

on a not so happy note, i dont think stephen and i are friends anymore. ever since our little "leave you in LP" incident he hasn't been to keen on talking to me and he is just being a downright asshole. i mean at first i felt terrible for what i did and i wanted to make it up to him and hoped he would forgive me. now he is just being stubborn and rude and i'm sick of him making me feel bad. i really hope that maybe it will be ok when we go back to school. i valued our friendship, and i thought he did to. i always felt that he used me a little during school and that maybe since he doesn't need me for that now he doesn't care how rude he is to me. either way, i'm done being a doormat. i'm not going to feel bad because i have too many other things to feel happy about. if i don't feel bad, is that wrong? i think not, but i'm still not sure.

tomorrow is brian's birthday. i hope he likes his gifts. unforunately i have to go to the doctor's. my ear is hurting really badly. i hope that i don't have an ear infection!!

angels and airwaves [not the band]

friday was the zumiez job interview. i did not get the job but i did come out with a positive experience and learned some new things. it was actually a lot of fun. we went into the parking garage and played group games. i was invited back to the next one for another shot. hopefully i will shine even brighter and come out with some employment.

after my interview i went to christy's and then we went to katie's and made brownies for the CAMP ROCK PARTY! we went back to my house for CAMP ROCK PARTY which was really great. staphanie, claire, katie, christy and i went crazy everytime the jobros came on screen. of course the movie was totally disney and predictable, but we enjoyed every second of it. after the movie we walked around my neighborhood singing jonas brothers and hannah montana. some of my neighbors, whom i've watched grow up my entire life as i drove by their house everyday, offered us drinks. lmao. of course i was like...hm no thanks. too bad i dont even know those guys!!

saturday was warped tour in SF. lizzy and lizzy's friend victoria and i volunteered to help the caterers. it was so surreal because i had seen the lady, shelley, on TV and then here i was working for her. it was cool to just chill with the bands and serve them food. most of them are really nice and thank you and all that. those caterers work so hard. i commend them. i think i might go and help in sac also. of course i was reunited with my boyfriend caleb whom i missed so much. we bonded over salad and he owes me something great.

mmm, look at my angel.

a little [happy] update

once again i've managed to successfully pull myself out of a stupor and remain smiling. despite little worries and a mishap with my father, i still have maintained my positive outlook and am continuing to enjoy life. school is good. i have made some friends and we have a good time complaining about the ridiculous projects and laughing at the teacher. i have a lot of sketchbook to do but i will deal with it later. friends are equally amazing, actually better. i've been spening endless amounts of time with the girls and i feel secure and satisfied with them. i have a good time and i feel like i fit. we read twilight and talk about twilight and laugh and swoon over the jonas brothers. that is truly the life.

i got a call today about a group interview at zumiez tomorrow. hopefully it will go well. if it doesnt, o well. i'll just have to wait for the next one. i'm going to try hard and be a good candidate.

saturday is warped tour in SF. i'll most likely post a photo entry about all that.

epiphanies and enigmas

today i smiled a lot for no particular reason. it was [and is] one of the greatest feelings ever. i don't really have any particular reason to be smiling except for the fact that i want to and i can. i'm genuinely in a happy spot. no, not everything is even close to being perfect but they are things that in the ultimate big picture just really don't matter. i'm finding that i want less and less. the things i want usually end up being things i don't really want, and am in fact better off without. i've become carefree and full of life. it will all bite me in the ass when i have to get down to business applying for colleges and doing schoolwork again, but for right now i am content. i bet i'll sleep with a smile on my face.

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on a completely different note: i am officially a member of the twilight book club. i finished it tonight and i'm going to start new moon in the morning. christy, katie, and mina were right. this book is amazing and i just couldn't get enough. team edward all the way, and all that stuff. the enigmas always get me. edward is a high quality enigma and a smooth talker. i like both. i highly recomend the twilight book series to any brooding teenage girl. it's good for your sould and raging hormones.

consider yourself warned

lately i've been thinking a lot about everything. when i say everything i mean school, friends, family, life, love, happiness, anger, and the whole array of human emotions basically. i'm sure it is all just some hormonal imbalance or something like that. i mean, i watched a lifetime-movie-channel movie today. that should tell you something.

i've spent a lot of time with what i would refer to as a new group of people. i am refering to "the group" and although they might not seem new, the reality is that they are. it wasn't until my junior year in high school that i actually had friends at my own school who i felt comfortable with and enjoyed spending time with. there were always kids who i was friends with and awkwardly went to do study groups with them or whatever. but this new group of friends is different. we just have fun being who we are. they don't try to be a certain way and honestly, neither do i. i just have them and i hope they feel the same way about me. i know i hate high school but if there were a list of the things that i enjoyed getting out of it, these people would most likely be at the top.

today i spent the day with my mother on our way to get my father whose motorcycle broke down. i never spend a lot of time with my family and usually when i do it is stressful and annoying. today wasn't any of that. i laughed with them. i smiled with them. i'm only sad that when we were leaving the house i couldn't even go up to my dad and hug him. i just felt so awkward and self conscience about it. i couldn't do it. and i hate myself for it because i'm sure one day when i am old and gray and my parents are gone i'll look back and wish i had. tomorrow is father's day and i don't think i will be spending the day with my dad. he is going to some place that he wants to go. i painted him a painting and everything. sometimes i feel i'm not adequate, and then there are times when i spend time with my family like today and i feel just perfect. i feel like we fit. sadly my brother was not there. he didn't want to be there. i don't know what the point is.

lastly, i watched that dumb lifetime movie. don't ever do that. those things will envoke feelings and questions you would've never discovered in a million years. they will confuse the hell out of you. this movie confused the hell out of me. the entire movie was about this girl who was "in love" with some lead singer of a band and they meet and he likes her and blah blah blah. the point is that i don't know what the actual point of the movie was. i was pondering whether the guy loved this girl and whether the girl was going to give up loving this impossible rockstar guy. in the end, none of my questions were answered and she just talked about how she was a woman. i mean, wtf was that. the entire time i'm pondering love and realizing how little i actually know about it. i don't know if i have ever been in love. if i dont know, then how will i know when i actually am in love? i mean, can you feel absolute true love more than once, or is it a fluke when it doesn't work out. i mean, don't you marry the person you are truly in love with? what if you marry too quickly and then you are just settling. how the hell are you supposed to know these things? i mean, my grandma married like 4 guys and finally is with one she really loves. well i suppose she really loves him. maybe she is just sick of looking and is settling even now. my god, this is all a bunch of crazy bull shit. i'm just genuinely confused and i guess worried. i don't like when i can't come to concrete realizations. maybe my realization is that love cannot be put into a rationalized realization. it is completely abstract and no one can define it. it is a 100% complete mystery that will hit you between the eyes before you ever see it coming.

i think that is it for now.

community college

so today officially marks the beginning of my college career. well, actually i wouldn't say this city college class counts as a part of my actual college career. we will call this one my unofficial college career. so today officially marks the beginning of my unofficial college career. yea. i started my art class at sac city. it should be interesting...or something like that. luckily emily is in my class so i will have someone to make fun of the weird people with. there are some average college students and a few hobby horses. hobby horses are adults who've decided they want to take art class to learn new things. anyway, the teacher seems very knowledgable. i anticipate learning a lot from him. we already have an assignment. we have to visit a gallery and answer questions about it. i'm going to visit 40 acres because it is local and off the beaten path. also my pictures will be showing there in the fall, so i can give it some exposure and maybe tell my teacher about my photos.

these previous days i've been hanging with the group and the male counterparts. the girls are kind of ready to have a girl's day. we really want to go swimming at claire's house. i think it would be best for us to brief the others on how the whole "group plus male counterparts" goes. i think the boys feel a little butt-hurt that we want a break from them, but it's really not that. we just want to do girl things that we can't do in the presence of males. whatever. they will live like a day without us.

"the group" plus male counterparts

pretty much the entire week i've been hanging out with my "sleepover" friends [minus the ones who went to europe] and what have become known as our male counterparts. the females would include christy, geanna, elise, mina, and katie. the male counterparts are the kevin, colin, mike larosa, chris sylva, greg hufford, joel group. i suppose i should back up to how i ended up in a situation like this. it was on tuesday when i was supposed to hang out with stephen. that all went to shit when the both of us were really bitching at each other and then some how we ended up in land park and stephen ended up getting out of my car and i ended up driving away. i know, it sounds like i am a really terrible person but i'm not. anyway, back to "the group". after all the stephen shit i called kevin and ended up going to oscar's with him and mike and then after we went to kevin's and played video games until night time when we had to go home. the other days we hungout with the entire group engaging in shenanigans.



mostly it consists of apples to apples, garcia bend park, video games, swimming, and tailgating in parking lots. we also fended for ourselves like college kids on wednesday by going to katie's house and cooking pasta and bread for dinner instead of going to a restaurant. it was a lot of fun minus all the mosquito bites i accumulated from sidewalk chalk at night. over all i've been having a lot of fun. this is my last high school summer and i think i am making the most of it.

today my dad, brother, and i went to visit my grandma because she had some surgery on her back. i was unaware of this event until my dad texted me, scaring the shit out of me, yesterday. not to worry though because my grandma is fine. other than limited mobility, she is completely normal. my aunt, father, brother, grandpa, grandma, and i had fun laughing and talking. on the way home we went to this place called Fenton's Fountain in the Nut Tree shopping center at vacaville. it is soooo good. it is like an upscale, huge vic's with sandwhiches and good and ice cream.

look at that sundae! ridiculous, but so delicious. we had a lot of fun. i only feel bad my mom wasn't there.

so as you can see, everything is going well. tomorow i am babysitting my cousins, which means some money. i haven't heard back from any of the jobs i applied for but people tell me it usually takse alike a week or two to hear a response. i've got my fingers crossed.

i work all day

i don't actually work all day. today was "job day", meaning i went and turned in most of my job applications. i spoke with a few managers and got some positive feedback from a few places. the lady at cafe latte was nice, but i am not sure if she was interested. she seemed enthusiastic, but then she didn't seem too happy about me only being able to work in the summer and having to cut back once school starts again. forever 21 only hires 18 and older, just fyi to anyone who is thinking of applying there. at least the manager liked me and told me i should really apply once i turn 18. too bad i'll be moving then. barnes and nobles said they'd be hiring soon and it was great that i turned in my app. the guy gave me a business card to call later. the people at zumiez were interesting. i don't remember the name of the guy who gave me the application but he was really funny and kind of helpful. of course the people that work there are kind of stupid and anyone could really do their job, and the manager was never actually in the store. i called again later in the day to talk to him and he still wasn't there. wow. so hopefully i will get one of the many jobs i applied for. at this point, i'll take anything i can get. i need money and i need to save some money. my dad keeps getting on my ass about it.
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a few other things have been sort of bugging me lately, but really they haven't been bugging me because i've been feeling better than ever about just about everything. i'm in control by letting go of things and not trying to control everything, if that makes sense. i'm hella chill and everything else is hella chill because of it. for the record: I LOVE SUMMER!