nobody knows

i have a lot of things on my mind, but i suppose no more than usual. i suppose i will start off with the fact that claire and sarah (and just about everyone else) left for kairos today. i'm sure most of you are wondering what that is. kairos is a 4 day, religious retreat for seniors at catholic schools. it is secretive and supposed to be the ultimate self-discovering experience. in my opinion, the whole thing is quite cultish, but i am definitely going to still go on it. i am not against discovering yourself, or even growing with God despite my disbelief. i only cannot stand how people who have already gone on it talk about it constantly but then say "o i wish i could tell you" or shush each other when you walk near them because they don't want to give away the huge secret. they spout out odd slogans like "trust the process", "live the fourth", etc. all very freakish, and all very cultish. but i must say, that sarah and claire and all my friends leaving me today has made me realize this: i'm being unfair. both sarah and claire have been excited for this trip and me, being the bitter bitch that i am, have made it so that they feel bad to get excited about it in front of me. that is both rude and unfair of me. yes, i am mad that i am unable to go with them due to my having responsibilities. yes, i hate that they didn't change dates because i wasn't able to go along. yes, i hate that the senior video kids didn't opt out even though they are missing our first group field trip. yes, i am especially mad that even though they will all be on kairos i still get to hear all about it from geanna and christy who are overly excited for them. all of these things make me mad, and all of them are uncontrolable, therefore i should suck it up and accept all of them. i've decided i owe claire and sarah an apology. they are the best friends i have at school and i love them. i want them to have the experience of a lifetime, even if it is going to be without me. i'll get my chance and i should be happy that they are getting their's now.

today at work a power line blew and the power was out. we ended up closing early and trying to do as many closing jobs as we could in the lantern light. it is cool to have interesting work stories. i'm both glad and dreading the fact that i have to work 4 days this week. the best thing is i get the weekend off. the worst thing is that i have so much work to do this weekend that i won't even be able to have an extravagant hangout with my friends. o well. i guess this is growing up...or something.

the last thing i have on my mind i can't put into words. i don't even think i want to. and that is all i'm going to tell you for now.