the last 72 hours have been the most downhill 72 hours of my life. i'm not sure i can handle it. right now i feel like a small child who has been reprimanded for what they've done wrong and has to wait out the humiliation and suffer the punishment. you could say i've been socially grounded by my best friend. maybe i deserve it. maybe it needed to happen. i can't say that i'm happy about that, but perhaps this is what was intended to happen in order for me to get the real shock i needed for this lesson to get through my head. I'm not sure if the downhill part is over yet. i think if get some assurance that everything will go smooth and that it can start going uphill, then I'd feel much better. unfortunately there isn't. I've been contemplating if there is a god. i'm not sure if all of this is a sign to me. I'm not sure I'd be happy with whatever god decided it would be fun to put me in this situation. perhaps there is no God and i put myself into this situation. perhaps I've been abusive and it is time for me to be put in my place. they say everything happens for a reason. well, I'm waiting for the reason for all this and i hope it is a really good one. the last time i thought it was the real worst day of my life, it was only half of this. yesterday was the official worst day of my life.
they say, once you hit rock bottom, the only place left is to float back to the top. i'll just wait for that.
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