today my family and i went to berkely to celebrate hanukkah at my grandma's house. sarah and claire came too, big surprise. it was a very nice day. my cousins were all there who i haven't seen for quite awhile. we played pictionary and talked and laughed.
but perhaps the best moment we had today was one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. my grandmother prepared an informal memorial to my cousin rachael. naturally she could not read it without beginning to cry, so her friend carol was nice enough to finish reading it for her. despite me telling myself before hand that i would not cry, i could not help myself. i, like the rest of my cousins, began to well up and the tears were soon streaming down my face. i say this moment is bittersweet for a few reasons. first, because for once i decided that it was ok to cry and be sad even in front of all those people. second, because i was not alone because my family, and even my friends were there, and not for a second did i feel like i was being judged. i felt a sense of real family with my cousins crying in front of me, something that i honestly have a lot of trouble recognizing. now i am so terribly sad that rachael is gone, but it is wonderful to see a little light. you could say it was my hanukkah miracle.
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