go go go go

i'm losing it yet again. it seems that when things are going well i worry that something is wrong because things don't usually go well all the time. there was a brief period where i was carefree and happy all the time, but i can't know if that was real or not. i can't know if things then were the same as they are now and i was just acting differently.

on tuesday my ten year old cousin rachael died. it hasn't really hit me yet because she is all the way in north carolina and i haven't seen her or her parents or brother in a very long time. i cry in sadness that i never went to north carolina in the summer like i had been asked to so many times. i cry in sadness that she was so assertive and smart and at the tiny age of ten years old she died. i cry in anger because apparently it is causing some sort of drama for my father and his brother. it is in these times of sorrow that we need each other the most. this is one more of those things that we do not have any control over. i do not like it one bit.

Music: I'm Yours - Jason Mraz, Boats and Birds - Gregory and the Hawk