be interested

i want to blog about something interesting but i just don't know what. everything i think i want to talk about just doesn't seem adequate, but i'm full of thought.

i suppose i'm going through an important life-stage. i'm starting to seriously question whether or not i really should go to art school. i have 3 major reasons for this lack of security. first, my art teacher actually said to me "maybe you shouldn't go to art school if you always want things done your way". i was not only insulted, but i also really took that as a heavy hit. i know mr. mcgovern isn't the most competent, motivating, or well-educated person on the matter, but he is knowledgeable and no matter what way i slice it i owe a lot of my interest in art to him. hearing him discourage me really makes me think "is he right on this one?". second, i feel behind. today i got a postcard from MICA about portfolio review days and interviews for the fall. i am not ready to show a portfolio for the fall. i don't have enough high-quality pieces to present at this time. does that mean i am not cut out for it? should i be ready? i just feel like i'm not up to par with the rest of the industry as far as skill or product goes. i know the one place i am up to speed in is passion. i really want to do it, i just don't know if i really am supposed to. perhaps i'm pushing it too much and it's not meant to be. the third reason is that my family has informed me that although we may not be poor, we do not have enough money to pay for art college. all of the art schools i've looked into run about 30-40 thousand dollars a year, not even including living expenses. i HAVE to get a scholarship if i want to go to any of them, but most of the financial sid they give out is based on need, which i have none, or artisitic ability and i'll be the first to admit i'm not that good. i might be good compared to the average person, but not to the amazing talents that i'd be competing against for a scholarship at an art school. once again i remain the lowest of the over-acheivers. i'm definitely not the best of the best. so i might end up at a state college, or something. perhaps i dream to big and need to rethink before it is too late. i don't want to be one of the kids who screws themselves over.