10 things to 10 people

i took this from pachia's blog. i think it is a good exercise.
Write 10 things about 10 people without saying their names. Say something you would want them to know but wouldnt tell them.

1. i'll start with you because you are fresh on my mind at the moment. i'm very confused with where i stand with you. i know you've forgiven me, at least that is what you tell me, and i don't like to have drama, but the things you've done to me are horrible. you've taken advantage of my trust, used it to exploit me with the one person who probably means close to the most to me in this world. real friends wouldn't ever do that and so i guess i want to tell you that you will never be a real friend in my eyes. yes, i'll appease to you when you want to hangout and i'll be friendly, but the reality is i will never trust you and i keep up large, permanent boundaries with you.

2. you come next because i suppose you are indirectly related with the person above, and let me tell you, it is definitely not by my choice. i did something terrible to you, but i am tired of appologizing because apologies are something you don't seem to accept. sometimes i tell you things in hope of invoking an emotion inside of you so that you can understand where i am coming from, but i've come to the conclusion that this emotion i am seeking to strike does not exist mutually. in the past, we've had our little tiffs but everything came back alright. without communication, i can never know the things that upset you and the things that i should stop doing. maybe i'm immature, but you are immature too. what happened between us was bad, but not so bad as you ruin everything that we had. i know you say what you need it time, but it think you think that if enough time passes by i will give up. i will not. i will wait week after week after week for you to accept me again the way you used to. don't say i'm living in the past by hoping for this, because the past i live in was a few short weeks ago that have been made into an eternity by the heavy emotions of the situation. i do love you, but i am not in love with you. you've held a special place in my life for such a long time. filling that space with something else would be a difficult and painful task.

3. this person is more like a pair. i'll speak to you both together. now that i am getting older and becoming an adult (so to speak), i need you to realize that maybe i have things under control. i'm trying to seperate my dependence on you as much as i can in order to prepare myself for what comes next. i've noticed that your extreme actions and attitudes are something that has also infested my character and i try to fight it because i see what harm it does to situations. i love you two with all my heart, but there is a part of me that seriously feels that once i go away, i won't come back forever.

4. you are a great friend, even if you might not be the greatest person. i know you are growing, just as i am. i know things in your life are not very stable and it isn't your fault. i do not condone your behavior but i feel that as long as i stick with you when i need you that i can help you learn to correct your mistakes. sometimes i am short with you because i can't take it when you do something stupid yet again, but really that is my own place of growth that is not complete. i have every hope for you that you will leave this borken place and become something great.

5. quiet as you are, the few words you speak are good ones. i appreciate the friendship you provide and the insight you give, especially when it comes to my artwork. i trust your opinion. you are truthful without being hurtful. you are an incredibly talented, intelligent, beautiful person, and i am glad to say i know you because one day you will go farther than us all.

6. you are one of the best people i have ever met in the entire world. when i graduate, it will have been because of you. high school is a terrible experience, but i'm getting through it with your help. even if you just sit there in silence, it seems to make my problems become clearer. what you do for me, and others is just an amazing thing and we are all so blessed to have you.

7. when i graduate from CB, it will be because of you. my first year of high school was not the experience i had hoped for. i got through it, but only with your help and inspiration. talking to you always had me in tears, but you eased the stress and helped me to deal with things. it was your influence that kept me at CB where i have now learned to grow in ways impossible anywhere else. i am sad i can't have you as a teacher again, but i know you are always there in the office if i need you. you are a great person, the perfect role model, and your life is one everyone should dream of.

8. you are a truer friend to me than most, and i think i take you for granted. i know i have and i am trying to less now. i want you to know that i really care about you and you are a great part of my life. i know i'm deffinitly rude to you sometimes and that is a quality in myself that i need to fix. i wish you well forever.

9.....10....
sadly, i can't even think of 2 other people. maybe later. i know no one reads this, but if you do, tell me who you think they are. i'm curious if these feelings and messages are already apparent.