spring break #4

this will most likely be the last spring break entry. it is finally coming to a close, hopefully for the better. i can't ever be too sure. i'm happy about this break. it was quite successful even if i didn't do EVERYTHING i wanted to.

Tuesday Night: i picked up stephen and his friend AJ. of course when i arrived to his house, he was not there. its ok. i like his parents. we went to baskin robbins and then we toured pocket. i showed him where a bunch of kids lived. we went and parked outside of his house for about 30 minutes or so. he was jet lagged and just yakking away endlessly about nonsense. o stephen.

Wednesday: in the morning i went to breakfast with sarah wong. everyone else had lame excuses why they couldn't come, but its ok because i like spending time with her. we went to lyons and because it was about 11, i had chicken strips. yep, i couldn't help myself. i took her home and helped her pick what dress to wear to prom. after that, i went to our softball "retreat" at cassie's house. it was actually a lot more fun than i had expected. we played hours of catch phrase, ate food, learned the animal game, and talked shit about mr. havey for about an hour or so. i feel we all bonded but coach christy is a bit mad at me for not going to softball for so many days. whatever.

Thursday: emily had to take the day off to finish up her dress so i went to spend the day with her. brian also took the day off so he was there too. he brought me chicken nuggets [and emily taco bell] and read chemistry. he was being a bit strange. well, really, the whole thing was quite strange. emily and brian have their whole "thing" which i have accepted, because these "things" happen and then come and they go. it still made the situation a bit awkward. but it was nonetheless humorous when i broke out the cosmo and we started reading sex tips while watching simon burch and flavor of love. i painted my nails with emily's chanel. the color is called vamp, and it looks kind of like a blood red. i love it a lot. i had to leave for softball after that. softball was extremely boring and a waste of time. actually, i take that back. i did talk prom with natalie and she told me all about parker's shenanigans. that is a story for another blog entry. anyway, after softball i went home, changed as quickly as possible, ate, and left for the boardwalk. i met lizzy and felisha there. the matches played. i danced and sang at the top of my lungs the entire time. it felt so good to just let out all my built up energy into something i love. the night was very interesting. there was this extremely hott/gorgeous/incredibly-good-looking guy named caleb from a band called Forever The Sickest Kids. i decided that i must take a picture with him. i did, and he hugged me and embraced me and talked to me for a few minutes, while keeping body contact. it was all very cute and fun, until some faggot kid tapped him on the shoulder mid-embrace. the kid laughed all the while, asking if i wanted a picture with him since he still had his arm around me. the rest of the night, i dubbed caleb my boyfriend. hahaha. justin from SAC came and we talked for awhile until gina was ready and we could leave. on the way home we stopped at taco bell. i kind of hate that place, and this is why: they gave me the pussy-est burrito ever. i went home, showered, and slept from 2-6:45 for SF.





Friday/Today: sarah wong and i went to san francisco to look at SFSU. we took the tour and all that. it was a nice place and they carry the major i want. i deffinitley could consider going there. we saw dillon ashley touring also. how weird. afterthe tour we went to marc by marc jacobs. i got a key chain thing. my keys look really classy. we followed that by some lunch in the market street mall and some major shopping around union square. i got a new, big, leather bag at H&M, a shirt at Foever 21, and sarah got a wallet and a dress. once we scoured the city for sales and goodies, we headed to pier 39. i had never been here, so it was quite interesting. we had dinner at bubba gumps. that is the seafood restaurant based off of the movie Forest Gump. naturally, i was excited. it was good and i love that place because of all its forest references. after, we went home. on the way home we watched That Thing You Do, which is written by Tom Hanks [who is also in it]. i loved it a lot. and now i am home.

spring break #3

Sunday: EASTER !!! we went to my cousin jill's house for a lunch/dinner thing and easter-egg hunt. all of my little cousins were there [my big ones too]. we ate good food and the kids hunted for about one million eggs. it was a good day.

Monday: all the public school kids had to go back to school. i met with emily for coffee in the morning before she had school. we talked and laughed. it was a good meeting. after i dropped her off at school i went home. at home i read some history and then i got bored. johnathan ross and i went to sarah wong's house, and then the three of us surprised stephanie. her whole family was home and it was fun. the four of us decided to go to blockbuster and contemplate movies for our "south sac movie night". at 3 i had to take them all home so i could pick up brian at school. yes, brian asked me to pick him up at school. despite his ridiculous outfit, all went well. our talk was short and drama-free. things are better now and i know i am going to work hard to keep them this way. i've learned a lot from this terrible experience and i'm extremely stoked the whole ordeal is over.

Today/Tuesday: i had a hair appt at 11, so i decided to visit emily at her house before hand. she was finishing up a project. my hair appt was GREAT. i have a new stylist again. her name is caitlin, and she is really nice. she asked me all about my art and we talked music and boys and everything. it was great.that ran until about 2:30, which was way longer than i anticipated but o well. i went to kevin's house to do our spanish project with jack taylor. i've never actually interacted with him, but he is extremely nice/funny. i love the taylor family. anyway, our project was a spanish version of napoleon dynamite. it was really hilarious. jack was napoleon, kevin was pedro, and i was deb. jack did the dance and everything. i can't wait until kevin edits it. i laughed so much during filming, i almost peed.
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christy van beek tagged me so i'll do this.
The rules: Once tagged you list 10 facts about yourself whether it be a habit or some random factoid about yourself. Afterward you list 10 people you would like to Tag and why? Then they continue the cycle.

1. Myself- my name is Amy [duh]. i'm an American teenage girl which means i like expensive things, beautiful people, and everything at a fast pace. i tend to be extremely sarcastic and make [what i think are] witty comments a lot. i try to be as friendly as possible, because i love friends, but i know i am really in your face which tends to scare some people.

2. Music- well, i really like it a lot. i play the guitar, or at least try. it is something that i love to do even though i 'm not good at it. there are so many musical artists nowadays, that i've honestly become a bit picky. i appreciate people with true musical talent because it is extremely special and inspiring.

3. My Passion- Art is my passion. it is something i wish to pursue for the rest of my life. i love to create and show people what i see in my head and what i am feeling. right now i'm really getting into painting. everything and everyone inspires me.

5. Past- my past has been great in the general sense. i was born into a gifted, two-parent lifestyle with plenty of love and financial stability. i've changed a lot since i've been in both junior high and high school, which i feel is both normal and good. i learn so much everyday. i've had my bumps along the journey, but i suppose everything happens for a reason.

6. Inside Jokes- i have a love hate relationship with inside jokes. i love them when they are funny and i am included, but i hate them when i don't get them and am not included. but they are quite funny. i tend to have inside jokes with myself. i think that is bad.

7. Girls/Guys- Christy says this means the opposite sex. so here you go: I LOVE GUYS !! i know i'm a girl and blah blah blah but i deffinitly prefer hanging out with guys to girls and would rather have sons than daughters. this probably makes me sound like a terrible person. guys are just so much more laid back. but sometimes i do need my girls.

8. High School- really bad invention. although i'm glad i stayed at Cb because the people there are really great. all high schools suck, but Cb doesn't suck that bad. ahha. i appreciate the tight community that is CB.

9. Driving- thank god i have my license.

10. Food- well i've stopped eating meat a lot since lent. but i love food. it is good/fun/brings people together.

TAG
i'll tag later

spring break #2

Friday: i ran errands by myself. it was actually very relaxing and fulfilling. first i went to barnes and nobles where i managed to spend a $50 giftcard on books. i bought Everything Is Illuminated, Atonement, 21 [for stephanie's bday], and this book i just found called The Delivery Man. i haven't bought books in a long time so i was/am really excited. after that i went to the beat to buy my ticket for thursday [the matches]. since i was already in that part of town, i called my mom to see if she wanted to go to lunch. i ended up picking her up and meeting my dad somewhere. lunch was not that great and my parents kinda drive me nuts but it wasn't a big deal. after that i went home and napped. that was great. when my parents and brother got home we went to dinner and to the art store. i got an easel !! i'm so excited/happy. once we went home i set it up and immediately went to work on my most recent project. now my room is even more of a sanctuary. i pretty much painted all night.

Today/Saturday: i woke up and painted. i'm pretty much finished with my current project. i'm not sure what i will do next. my mom brought me some lunch and then i went to michael's garage sale. he measured me for my dress and we walked to peet's and whatnot. i spent about 3 hours there. after i went home, i attempted to make plans with sarah wong and elsie and stephanie. this was all interupted by a little scheme by emily and brian. basically brian offered to hangout with me, and once i accepted, he threw in the catch about emily coming too. well i took it and made the best of it, i suppose. of course i was really upset by the whole ordeal. they came to my house and left after like 30 minutes because they had to go to a party without me. it was completely rude and terrible but i dont want to talk about it and i'm taking care of it. after they left i went to big spoon with sarah and we went to nick's house. madylin came and we drove around and did nonsense. they helped me to feel much better and really organize my thoughts. i've come to realize that brian will get over emily one day. i shouldn't ruin my life over their immaturity. i just want to talk to brian about the shit talking and honestly, i don't want to talk about this anymore. i just want things to be back to normal. i'm sick of feeling down because i already apologized and did what i could do. i'm done. i should've been done long ago.

more on break later.

make your mark

conclusion i've come to: it's not a secret if more than one person knows.
i'm back in my shell again, not trusting ANYONE [minus mr. riley portal]. this is a bad place to be in, and i know it, but i can't help it. i've been betrayed too many times. the truth hurts, but sometimes things are just meant to be kept to oneself. if more than one person knows, then there is no guarantee of that.

i'm finally on spring break. the list of activities is endless. i've got a hair appt, college visit, mini golf, mongolian bbq, movie night, and lots of other stuff planned. i'm going to spend a lot of time with the south sac kids. i have to work on history, my gatsby essay, and my spanish project. i'm going to paint. i want to have a lot of fun, get a lot done, and get things in order so that i can get out of my current state and finish out this semester well. i have SAT's and Ap testing coming up in just over a month. i need to minimize my distractions and maximize my work ethic.

today lent was over, so albert, sarah wong, and j.r. and i went to denny's. i had some chicken strips and i honestly wanted to cry when i took the first bite. this vegetarian thing has been good for me, but i'd die without chicken. i had dinner at stephanie's and ate a little steak, but i wasn't impressed. i can do without it.
at stephanie's we played wii for hours. i'm getting pretty good at the tennis and the baseball. it's really a lot of fun and gives you quite a workout if you treat it like real sports. emily and her little friend ryan [i call him ryry, but not to his face] came home from golfing and we all chatted and then ate dinner. after dinner we went bowling. i tried to beat ryry, since i am such a fabulous bowler, but he ended up beating me. it was a lot of fun. i really like stephanie and her family. ryry is practically family since he and emily will get married someday. hahah. i think it is really cute how emily and ryan like eachother and make any excuse to hug or touch. he leans his head on her shoulder when they sit on the couch. i'm honestly a bit jealous, but i'm also very happy for emily.

i'll update more on the break later, naturally.

10 things to 10 people

i took this from pachia's blog. i think it is a good exercise.
Write 10 things about 10 people without saying their names. Say something you would want them to know but wouldnt tell them.

1. i'll start with you because you are fresh on my mind at the moment. i'm very confused with where i stand with you. i know you've forgiven me, at least that is what you tell me, and i don't like to have drama, but the things you've done to me are horrible. you've taken advantage of my trust, used it to exploit me with the one person who probably means close to the most to me in this world. real friends wouldn't ever do that and so i guess i want to tell you that you will never be a real friend in my eyes. yes, i'll appease to you when you want to hangout and i'll be friendly, but the reality is i will never trust you and i keep up large, permanent boundaries with you.

2. you come next because i suppose you are indirectly related with the person above, and let me tell you, it is definitely not by my choice. i did something terrible to you, but i am tired of appologizing because apologies are something you don't seem to accept. sometimes i tell you things in hope of invoking an emotion inside of you so that you can understand where i am coming from, but i've come to the conclusion that this emotion i am seeking to strike does not exist mutually. in the past, we've had our little tiffs but everything came back alright. without communication, i can never know the things that upset you and the things that i should stop doing. maybe i'm immature, but you are immature too. what happened between us was bad, but not so bad as you ruin everything that we had. i know you say what you need it time, but it think you think that if enough time passes by i will give up. i will not. i will wait week after week after week for you to accept me again the way you used to. don't say i'm living in the past by hoping for this, because the past i live in was a few short weeks ago that have been made into an eternity by the heavy emotions of the situation. i do love you, but i am not in love with you. you've held a special place in my life for such a long time. filling that space with something else would be a difficult and painful task.

3. this person is more like a pair. i'll speak to you both together. now that i am getting older and becoming an adult (so to speak), i need you to realize that maybe i have things under control. i'm trying to seperate my dependence on you as much as i can in order to prepare myself for what comes next. i've noticed that your extreme actions and attitudes are something that has also infested my character and i try to fight it because i see what harm it does to situations. i love you two with all my heart, but there is a part of me that seriously feels that once i go away, i won't come back forever.

4. you are a great friend, even if you might not be the greatest person. i know you are growing, just as i am. i know things in your life are not very stable and it isn't your fault. i do not condone your behavior but i feel that as long as i stick with you when i need you that i can help you learn to correct your mistakes. sometimes i am short with you because i can't take it when you do something stupid yet again, but really that is my own place of growth that is not complete. i have every hope for you that you will leave this borken place and become something great.

5. quiet as you are, the few words you speak are good ones. i appreciate the friendship you provide and the insight you give, especially when it comes to my artwork. i trust your opinion. you are truthful without being hurtful. you are an incredibly talented, intelligent, beautiful person, and i am glad to say i know you because one day you will go farther than us all.

6. you are one of the best people i have ever met in the entire world. when i graduate, it will have been because of you. high school is a terrible experience, but i'm getting through it with your help. even if you just sit there in silence, it seems to make my problems become clearer. what you do for me, and others is just an amazing thing and we are all so blessed to have you.

7. when i graduate from CB, it will be because of you. my first year of high school was not the experience i had hoped for. i got through it, but only with your help and inspiration. talking to you always had me in tears, but you eased the stress and helped me to deal with things. it was your influence that kept me at CB where i have now learned to grow in ways impossible anywhere else. i am sad i can't have you as a teacher again, but i know you are always there in the office if i need you. you are a great person, the perfect role model, and your life is one everyone should dream of.

8. you are a truer friend to me than most, and i think i take you for granted. i know i have and i am trying to less now. i want you to know that i really care about you and you are a great part of my life. i know i'm deffinitly rude to you sometimes and that is a quality in myself that i need to fix. i wish you well forever.

9.....10....
sadly, i can't even think of 2 other people. maybe later. i know no one reads this, but if you do, tell me who you think they are. i'm curious if these feelings and messages are already apparent.

smile lines

"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory." -Albert Schweitzer

"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."-Allan K. Chalmers

"Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action."-Benjamin Disraeli

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."-Hellen Keller

"All seasons are beautiful for the person who carries happiness within."-Horace Friess

bittersweet chocolate

i finally got my replacement phone today. i am so relieved. not having the phone is the wierdest thing. my new one is beautiful and perfect. the only thing is i have no phone numbers.

speaking of phones, i spoke to brian on the phone for quite an extended period of time yesterday. sadly, things are not back to the comfortable days of the past, but we did discuss a lot of important issues. i feel that we were both more open and honest with each other, which was the goal, and i feel that it hopefully helped. i got across the point that it would take a lot for me to give up on our friendship because it means so much to me. i think he accepts it, even if he really still doesn't understand. i just hope this all can help things to not only go back to the way they were, but to be even better than before.

i've been taking pictures of myself when i feel happy and have gotten all cute. they remind me of good times and feelings. i'll post them in the near future.

no phone no phone

i officially am without a cellular device for the next 2-3 business days. i say 2-3 business days because that is when they say the replacement phone will arrive. by they i mean verizon wireless. if all goes well i will have a brand new mint chocolate and everything will be great. it really is a good deal for me considering mine has messed up buttons from my excessive text messaging and a crack on the little plastic part. although i have to say, i'm not quite sure if i can last 2-3 business days without a phone. today my dad lost me because he went to get my brother, when i thought i was supposed to get him, and go to the dentist, a new one i might add. basically we have come to depend on technologies such as phones. i'm not sure if i feel good or bad about this.