The Cover Letter I Wish I Could Send

By Blair Stenvick


To Whom It May Concern (cause I’m classy like that):

I’m extremely interested in this position. That’s mostly because I need money, but I’ll lie and tell you that I’m extremely passionate about the restaurant business/ filing and paperwork/ customer service/ being your bitch.

Oh, and when I say I need money, what I actually mean is that I want money, so that I can buy concert tickets and more sweaters I don’t need and pay rent to stay in Santa Cruz this summer instead of being bored at home in Sacramento. I’m not some young single mother trying to feed her kids, and if that’s whom I’m competing with, then you really shouldn’t give me this job. But I still hope you do.

If you look at my resume, you’ll see that I’m a privileged white girl who has never had a paying job — only an internship. In that internship, I learned the art of pretending to look like I knew what I was doing at meetings. I also wrote some articles, but nobody wants to hire a nineteen-year-old college student for a part time job based on her writing skills, so I’ll tell you I learned things like “data input” and “professionalism.”

I’m currently a college sophomore, majoring in American Studies. You might have never heard of that major, and if you have you probably don’t know what it means. Here’s a secret: I’m not even sure what it means. We talk a lot about hegemony and culture, which is fascinating stuff for me, but probably not anything that is going to help me secure a minimum-wage job.

Here’s something that’s completely true: I’m very punctual, and I know how to treat people in a polite yet not overly formal manner. But how do you know that I’m telling the truth in a cover letter? Answer: you don’t. And because I’m a woman, I’ve been taught not to toot my own horn too much, so just typing these attributes feels weird to me. Isn’t it funny that the most honest part of this letter is the most suspect, both for you to read and for me to write?

I look forward to hearing back from you, though I don’t really expect it at this point.

Thanks (for nothing, most likely),
Blair Stenvick