creative project

so, i have a bit of a problem. my problem is i haven't been able to create since art school. you'd think that being at a place of education solely dedicated to creating would help me and inspire me. nope. it had quite the opposite effect. it is soul crushing, world ending to think that you've figured out that you love beautiful things and you want to create beautiful things for the rest of your life as a career and then come to a point where you are unable to do so. well, i can't go on like this much longer so i've come up with a plan in order to solve it. i'm going to do a sort of 365 Project, but with art. each day (starting with March 1st, which is tomorrow) i will force myself to sit down and draw something, paint something, illustrate something. this could mean sketching in a sketchbook, drawing on my arm, on the wall, anything, anywhere. it probably won't be good at first but i'm going to make myself do it in hopes that i will begin to be inspired again and be able to do what i loved doing best again.


Music: Ageless Beauty - Stars

talkin' about my best friends

i'm blogging when i should be showering.

most should be aware of the fact that i chose to leave art school last semester in order to move back home and figure shit out. well, while i figure shit out i've also found that life in sacramento, post- high school, can be quite lonely for a girl like me. while most of my closer friends are either away at their own institutions of higher learning, are still in high school and/or already have other established lives in sacramento i find myself spending a lot of time without human company. i say "human" because i have a few good friends. there are four of them and i'd like to tell everyone about them.

1. Spartacus: dear ole' Sparty is my macbook whom i would die without. (not even exaggerating.) i almost never turn him off and he connects me to my other far away friends with his wireless internet capabilities. he also allows me to write these blogs, listen to music, and create mindless manuscripts and illustrator documents with all of my spare time. we have only been together about 9 short months, but we are the best of friends.
2. Frederick: Frederick William is my cellular telephone device. he replaced Jamal, my previous phone. Frederick and i have a love hate relationship. i only tend to love him when he rings a lot. it is not his fault. he is not in control of any of these circumstances. we are working on our relationship.
3. Sven: sven and i have had our affair for quite some time now. he goes with me just about everywhere and has endured many a long nights in the frigid cold glove box of my car. tougher than nails, and trendier than any other german disco dancer you've ever seen, Sven is my beloved ipod. however he is full and i am kind of looking into getting a man who can better handle my large music collection.
4. Hovno: last but not least is little Hov whom i have not really hung out with in awhile but starting next monday we will begin our formal efforts for becoming reaquainted. although my love for his namesake, Dave and the PWT's, has diminished i will always love my baby Hov. i can't wait until we will once again make beautiful music together.

Music: Lovegame - Lady Gaga

please don't think i'm crazy.

all around P-town

last weekend i visited Portland, OR to see my friends Sarah, Elise, and Jonathan and to see PSU, which will most likely be my future home come this fall. Portland is really an interesting and beautiful place. the streets are as immaculate my dentist office and there are various pockets of wilderness. PSU is nice. i like how it is very urban and integrated in to the greater downtown. food carts, Powell's Books, and Stumptown coffee are also really fun. although i didn't get to go to any house shows, i'm very excited to experience more of the musical culture when i live there.
Highlights of the trip (in list form, duh):
1) seeing Starfucker unexpectedly, for free, and dancing on stage. (seeing Elise)
2) awesome chill time with Sarah in her dorm room. i love our good laughs and miss them a lot.
3) seeing An Education with Sarah.
4) guest hosting Jonathan's radio show.
5) Mad Libs and the Olympics with Sarah and her very normal friends. Mara gave me a sweet fake tattoo.
6) taking forever to remember there is no sales tax. (OR's one superior characteristic over CA)



i didn't take nearly enough pictures.

An Education

An Education, set in 1960's London, is the story of 16 year old Jenny who's father has put her on track to be the top of her class with the goal of attending Oxford University. however, beautiful and brilliant, Jenny is interested in other things such as French culture, art, literature, and music, and her world is changed when she meets the charming, wealthy, and much older, David who shows her an exciting lifestyle of fancy restaurants and clubs, art auctions, and spur of the moment trips to Paris. wrapped up in the world of David, Jenny begins to learn about life, love, and the options and choices life presents. i don't want to give too much away so i will stop there. Carey Mulligan gives an amazing performance as leading lady Jenny. the movie offers humor, sadness, and an education for all who view it.
it is hard for me to talk about this movie because for some reason viewing it was a seriously profound experience. i just had a new feeling about it that i have never had about a movie or gotten after viewing a movie. the story demonstrates how relationships with all people, boyfriends, parents, teachers, etc, are not something out of fairytales. so many movies give people the false hope about personal relationships and are often left unhappy because of it. i used to be like that a lot but in the past few months i've really been working on accepting relationships and people as hard work and although they can be very confusing and even painful, we are left with the choice of whether they are worth it or not. with my new form of optimism i'm finding that they are usually more worth it than not.

Music: A Sunday Kind of Love - Beth Rowley

smile, you love us

i realize my only posts this month have appeared very "woe is me". i'm not unhappy. i am happy, in most respects anyway. things could be better but alas they could also be much, much worse.

this evening i am flying to Portland so my next post will be very long and full of amazing pictures and stories from my adventure!

Music: City Middle - the National

i'm missing a few people. people like the boys who weren't my lovers, but weren't my brothers. they were just my friends. right now i really want to spend time with them, to chill with them, to watch Wedding Crashers with them and laugh easily and without using my brain. i want to take naps on their couches and watch them try to dance at night in the park. i want to online shop with them and lose miserably at video games to them.
i'm missing a few things. things like the hot summer sun coaxing me out of my jeans and into cutoffs and then into my swimsuit and eventually the pool. things like sunglasses and diet coke that still tastes good even when the ice cubes completely melt and make it watery. things like staying out all night and going where ever i want, no concern of the late hour because i had the option of sleeping all day.
i miss sleeping all day and enjoying it rather than sleeping all day hoping that when i wake up enough time will have passed and it will be a day when i will get to enjoy all of these people and all of these things.

Picture on a Postcard

last night i went to the High School Self Portrait show to support one of my very close, and amazingly talented, friends, Eden. when faced with interacting with my old high school art teacher, a man who i thought felt i was talented and then throughout the rest of high school made it extremely hard to prove it to. i had to tell him how i hated art school and left. being surrounded by high schoolers made me realize that if need be, i am capable of being a mature adult. kind of a good realization although i never want to grow up.

today is the Super Bowl and the Colts are playing the Saints. you know who i'll be rooting for! but it is going to be a tough game.

Music: Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts