as i em

so i have officially been at college for a week. we haven't started classes yet but i've been living here for a week. luckily the whole thing went with a pretty steady incline. it started off slow. i stayed in my room for two whole days, spoke to basically no one other than my roommate, and did next to nothing. once orientation began on wednesday afternoon things started to look up. i met a few new people and actually spent some time outside of my room. thursday was our first full day of orientation and we were hit with an early wake up, tons of new information, and merciless sessions of the name game (which really only helps you learn weird things about people and not their name). i ended up taking the BART home that evening with some other girls who wanted to leave a little early which was good because i met some more people. today was also better, starting a little later, moving a little later, and allowing me to see which people i'd actually have more lasting friendships with. i don't want to speak too soon, but i think i've found a few good ones.

Things I'm Going to Have to Get Used To:
1. eating lame food a majority of the time. it is kind of a hassle to go in the kitchen all the time so i have pretty much been living off of pasta and rice. i had meat for the first time in a very long time last night and if i didn't already like chicken enough i possibly might even appreciate it more.
2. keeping in touch with people via the internet. it is times like these where i am so glad i live in the 21st century. if i lived in the 60's i probably would've died because they didn't have computers or the internet. extreme, but sadly it is probably true.

3. making my bed on the top bunk. at home i had a loft bed but it was kind of different because the ladder was on the side so i just pulled the blankets over and back from there but here the ladder is at the foot of the bed. it makes it difficult. but my bed is finally fixed after waiting and calling for four fucking days. i can't believe my parents are paying this kind of money for shitty conditions. i will not be participating in dorm life after this year.

say 18

sunday i moved to college. i loaded all my shit into my dad's excursion and then we unloaded it all into a teeny, tiny room for two. but i didn't stay. i'll never know what i missed on that first night in the dorms. but what i didn't miss was the last matches concert EVER. as i begin the new era of my life the Matches end their legacy of being a local phenomena with a sold out show at the Fillmore. i'm sad because the matches have been my favorite band since middle school. them ending on the very same day my college career is beginning seems kind of symbolic. maybe it is fate. all i know is the show was amazing. there is no other band i will endure the bashing of the pit for and i loved every sweaty, bruising second of it. i sang my heart out to every song. they played most of my favorites. even Justin Sansoucci, the original bassist was there to send them off on their last hurrah.


and i am definitely glad i opted to go to the concert instead of going to the mandatory residents meeting.

Music: The Morning Tilts - The Matches

let you shine

today my best friend is leaving for college. that means yesterday (technically) i had to say goodbye. im out of words, for once. just know it was extremely difficult. i realize this sounds over dramatic, like someone died or something, but things like this are hard for me. i'm just trying to keep in mind that this is a necessary step in our lives. we are going to college to finish becoming the people we were meant to be and to pursue our own dreams even if that means not being in the same place as one another.

Music: Golden Slumbers - the Beatles

see you later

Claire leaves tomorrow, meaning today we all said our "goodbyes". i really am not in the mindset to say farewell to all of these people who i've spent the majority of my time with for the last four or so years of my life. nonetheless i cried of course. i cry every time we ever had a heart-to-heart so of course i would cry as i sent one of the best friends i've ever had in my life off to Houston, Texas. i'm not really worried about how she will be in college. i have full faith that she will succeed in everything she wants to do. i'm more worried about how i will be in a place without her.

i can't believe we are all leaving. it is bittersweet but necessary. this is the beginning of the next chapter of our lives.


i leave in 8 days. i've attempted to start packing up my stuff and i've found that i absolutely suck at it. i have so much stuff and i really wish i could bring all of it, but i can't. picking and choosing what to bring is hard and then of course i know i'm sooo worried about not having my entire wardrobe that i'm going to forget something essential like my underwear or phone charger. this is another time where i wish i were the second sibling to go to college so my parents would know exactly what to do. when i ask them to help me figure out what i should take and what i should omit they just start babbling on about something not pertaining to my question. either that or they make a joke about how retarded it is that i have so many pairs of shoes. deep breathes. i will get through this.

Music: Fifteen - Taylor Swift (in honor of Claire)

find your center

i just got back from my 6 day vacation to my family's beach house in mendecino county. i hate saying my family has a vacation house near the beach because people automatically assume that it is some mansion, hampton's style, and that my family is ridiculously wealthy. that is all but the case. our house is really old, kind of cabin like, and smells kind of funny inside. the beach it is near is a northern california beach. that means it is usually pretty cold and windy. 4-5 months out of the year it is rainy and foggy and the power goes out a lot. the closest town is called Gualala which almost no one has heard of and the entirety of the "town" consists of one city block containing two grocery stores, one gas station, a bakery, a post office, and a small myriad of other assorted shops. the majority of the population averages at the age of 60, is retired, and their kids do not live with them meaning there are no teenagers or young people around, not that i'd be able to tell because the houses are so far apart that you can't see your neighbors while at your own house. on top of that, cellular signal is extremely spotty and we don't have internet.

i just made it sound like our vacation house sucks, but it really isn't that bad. i've grown up going there and it is a place where i find quiet (which i sometimes need whether i want to admit it or not) and concentration. the last six days pretty much consisted of me sleeping, reading, journaling, and eating with a few social campsite visits. i had minimal contact with that i like to refer to as civilization (which i later officially defined as any place where i can get a 3G signal on my phone). while being limited to these simple, mundane activities really helped me focus my thoughts. my journaling was so pure and i really loved it. but after 6 days i am glad to be back in civilization where i can interact with lots of people.

the countdown (t minus 11 days and counting) has begun until i move into my dorm for college. i am very excited, actually. i want to meet my room mate, get started with classes, and find my new place in this new world i will be joining. my creative juices are starting to flow again and i think the guidance of art school will really give it a boost.

Music: Vanilla Twilight - Owl City, the sound of crashing waves

everybody needs a little...

the last two big concerts of the summer were Jack's Mannequin and The Fray at Shoreline and The Jones Brothers at Arco! both were super fun. i will speak about each briefly. i'm not really feeling like blogging but i am leaving tomorrow for vacation until next tuesday. the summer is really winding down and i can feel it.


i've practically been waiting to see Andy Mcmahon preform since i was in middle school and when he got cancer back in the day i was so worried he would die. thank god he not only lived, but bless his heart, he created the two albums of Jack's Mannequin. he is way better than any video i ever watched of him on television. the fray was also pretty good. i don't know too many of their songs but they sounded good and i enjoyed it.



the Jonas Brothers concert was soooo much fun!!! that sounds super fangirly because it is. those boys have a superpower over girls which makes them swoon, scream, and smile like they never have before. they always put on a well thought out, entertaining, quality show. this includes great wardrobe choices, interesting coreographed lights, and exclusive versions and variations to their songs which allows them to sing most of the hits without making the show too long.




Music: Turn Right - The Jonas Brothers

girl

i have this incredible friend and her name is Elise Delgado. i never truly realized just how incredible she was until very recently but when i actually sat down and thought about it all signs from the day i met her pointed to it. i met her in the 8th grade in Leadership class. leadership was a really fun class where we planned school activities and it was selective so everyone in it was pretty great. Elise and i were paired together, just the two of us, to a committee whose job was to make a calendar and some sort of informative add every month for a display case near the elevator. i was just coming into my own as a person and not even close to being an artist, not to mention i really did not know Elise at all, so i was very nervous about the whole deal. there really was no reason for the nerves. i don't even remember any really specific incidents during that time but i know that the entire time i had fun with Elise, worked well with her, and admired her from the get go.
Elise and i ended up going to the same high school. for a short time freshmen year i mainly hungout with a group of girls which she was one of. this was when i first learned about her up front, sort of brutally honest character. being in my insecure freshmen stage i really didn't know how to deal with it and therefore i ran away from Elise and those other girls. this was a huge mistake. through out high school i didn't really spend too much time with Elise but any time i did spend with her i felt good about. she, being a lot like me, appreciated my honest, usually cynical comments. she always laughed at them which was my goal in even saying them. i witnessed her intense concern and dedication to her friends, including myself if there ever were any problems. i saw her dedication and loyalty to her family and anything she ever did: school work, clubs, sports, etc.
senior year our school participated in the Every 15 Minutes Program which is a campaign to educate teens and prevent drunk driving. Elise's dad is a teacher at our high school so their family was chosen to be involved with E15. Elise and her father were in the simulated car crash and Elise was chosen to be the girl who ended up in a wheel chair. although the entire thing was fake i cried so much watching that video and seeing Elise, a star athlete and energetic friend, come down the aisle unable to walk. i questioned why i was even crying this much. yes the event was tragic, but it was fake. i thought i wasn't even close enough to her to be so intensely sad.
a couple days ago i discovered that my vacation plans conflicted with her going away party and my instinct was to find any way possible to see her before i left because i couldn't imagine never seeing her before the both of us left. i had originally given first priority to trying to see my best friend Brian before i left, but Elise became top priority. the jump felt a little weird in my mind but i just texted her and made the plans. i felt that i would drive 100 miles if that was what i had to do.
tonight it hit me. the story i just told about Elise makes it so obvious that Elise is one of the greatest friends i have. i don't mean that i feel closest to Elise. she definitely spends a lot more time with other people and we don't exactly talk super often but i admire Elise much more than a lot of people. she never makes me feel bad about the way i am. if she does it is in a gentle way which makes me see what i am doing wrong and inspires me to do better. she inspires me to be good because she holds the same honesty that i do but is so wise in the way she uses it. i love knowing people like Elise; genuinely great people who not only inspire me but also so many other people. tonight is probably the last time i will get to see her before we both leave for college and that makes me cry, but i know that when we come back for holidays she will be there and i will look forward to hearing from her and seeing her.

Music: Resolution - Jack's Mannequin

papercuts hurt, work safely

yesterday i had the pleasure of seeing the film 500 Days of Summer, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, as Tom who falls in love with a girl named Summer (played by the beautiful Zooey Deschanel). yes, this movie would probably be categorized as a romantic comedy but it is far from your sappy, formulated, fairytale one (for example, 27 Dresses, Maid of Honor, or basically any movie with Matthew McConaughey). no. instead 5DS was a refreshing breath of reality in the fact that when you fall in love with someone there is not always the guarantee that they will love you back. also, no matter how much it makes you hate your life, or possibly the other person, there is no need for that because the person has been put in your life so that you may learn something about yourself and there is no need to fret because you too will eventually find a person whom shares a mutual feeling of love with you. the movie highly reiterates something one of my very good friends (Sarah Wong) always tells me and i very often doubt: everything happens for a reason. all in all i highly recommend the movie both to girls and to guys who appreciate quality film. the actors were cast perfectly, it makes you laugh, the story is paced well in my opinion, and the cinematography is beautiful.

Music: Us - Regina Spektor