angels

i cannot stop listening to robert pattinson's music. it is just very calming and powerful. i'm sure the fact that he is so good-looking helps out. when you really look at him, he isn't that hott in the traditional sense. he has a deeper, more personable thing about him and his eyes just burn into you. you can't stop staring, or at least i can't.

the thanksgiving break has been pretty good so far. wednesday the girls all had brunch and then went to see twilight again. yea, robert pattinson. i just love it and him and everything twilight. i can't help myself. today was actually thanksgiving and i had a good time with my family and we had really good food. there wasn't really anything out of the ordinary to talk about, which i think is good for once. sometimes it is good when just simple, regular things are happening. it doesn't always have to be exciting.

last night i painted, in my own bedroom, and it wasn't bad. i am working on a self portrait right now, which is hard for me. so far i'm happy with how it is turning out. i finger painted the other night and that could also be used as a self portrait. i wish my finger painting could be used in my AP portfolio because it is so expressive. i really enjoyed doing it and i like how it turned out.

Music: Robert Pattinson

october 12

i've calculated that october 12th was the last day i felt truly elated. that saddest thing is that those wonderful feelings, feelings of hope, happiness, and love were all because of someone else. that someone else who doesn't even speak to me anymore. i had about one month of this fantasy feeling and i think it's really hitting me now that is is over. it is over. i can't fix it. i can however survive. i have to take this disappointment and turn it into something good, no matter how hard that is going to be. i have to learn from it, move on from it, and make things better the next time. i feel ridiculous, but i am 17 after all. this is just one step in the staircase of life, so to speak. but no matter what, i'll never forget october 12 and i hope that there are many more oct 12's to come in my life.

Music: Jack's Mannequin

i'm obsessed

i'm sure you knew it was only a matter of time before this appeared on my blog, but here is my official review of twilight, the motion picture. now everyone knows that movies adapted from books are never as good as the actual book, and twilight is no different. the movie itself was pretty terrible. the development of bella (kristen stuart) and edward's (robert pattinson)love was extremely skipped over, the beginning played out a little too much, and the ending went a little too fast. despite these faults, the movie was nowhere near a definite fluke. the casting of a majority of the characters was quite spectacular. all of the cullens were spot on, each embodying the characters i remember from the book and delivering the right attitudes. of course this includes edward cullen, played by the "dazzling" robert pattinson (cedric diggory in Harry Potter), whom i absolutely am in love with. everytime he came on screen and spoke i found myself literally jumping out of my seat and gasping for air. he had the exact effect over me that moves bella swan to fall in love with him. as for bella, played by kristen stuart (the land of women, speak), the choice perhaps could have been better, but i feel stuart gave a nice effort. the only thing that really bothered me about her was her deep voice narrating. all in all, the characters carried the movie, and for me that is enough. if you enjoy the books you can find a way to enjoy the movie. if you haven't read the books, you'll be lost and just think it is a crappy movie.

tough times

this economic crisis is having a much greater affect on my life than i had ever anticipated. i thought my parents were on top of it and we would be financially stable despite all this trouble. i can't be so sure anymore. my dad repeatedly tells my brother and i "christmas isn't going to be the same this year. i just have to tell you that now". it is hard to hear those words come out of his mouth. ever since i can remember it was feesable for me to have anything i wanted (although i did not get it because i am not a spoiled brat), so my first instinct is to be angry. but i'm not angry because that is unfair. my dad didn't purposely do anything to make it this way. my next instinct is to worry because words like that infer some sort of financial issue. i am graduating this spring and am supposed to go off to a 4 year college next fall. college is expensive, and although my dad hasn't told me yet that we won't be able to afford anything extravagant, i'm afraid he will tell me that soon. i have considered cost in my options, but part of that was opting for CSUs because they are cheaper for CA residents. well yesterday i received an email notifying me that all 23 CSU campuses are now being impacted due to the budget crisis. that means my easy in to SF state is no longer existent. i'm not sure what i'll do. i have already been accepted to oregon, but can we even afford that? only time will tell and for now i sit on pins and needles as i fill out my college apps.

peace, love, and god

so i am back from kairos, and not only am i alive but i am also happy. kairos is just another great opportunity that attending christian brother's as given me. now, of course it is a secret so what i can say is limited, but i'll just tell you IF YOU GO TO CB YOU SHOULD GO ON KAIROS. that is all.

it is ok

rejection is tough. although i wouldn't call what happened to me rejection. i am lost. i'd like to be found.

i'm going on Kairos tomorrow. let's see what happens.

america

today is a historic day in the existance of the United States of America. an African American has been elected president. now i'll be the first to admit, and not be a sore loser, that i am a McCain supporter, but i couldn't be happier for mr. obama in his amazing feat. i'm glad to say that i am not only alive at this moment, but also coherent enough to tell my future children the story of the first african american becoming president. it is truly amazing how far our country has come since its beginning and it is things like this which remind us of the amazing country we live in. i suppose this is democracy at its finest. we have our flaws, not doubt about that, but america is a wonderful place and i'm glad i live here.

in other news, besides political, my day has been a giant roller coaster. and as most roller coasters, i finished with a good feeling. although, it might not be over yet. so i'm just going to take it one step at a time.

halloween

pictures say 100 words, right? in case you couldn't guess (cause no one can) i was Demi Lovato. google it if you don't know.

Music: anything by Band of Horses or Sufjan Stevens
and Get Back by Demi Lovato, duh