10 Years of Blogging

I was taking a look back at the very first days of my blog and realized that this August will be 10 years since I began blogging. I have to say, the musings of teenage Amy were quite hilarious (and kind of awful, to be honest). In some ways I amaze myself with how ahead of the curve I was without knowing it. In other ways I am laughing (more like cringing) at my teenage self! Oh, how far I've come since then.

I thought I'd share this essay I wrote my first semester of college. Our English teacher, one of my favorites at California College of the Arts, had us write stories about childhood memories, or something like that. I decided to write an essay about my silly aversion to sex after learning what it was. Obviously my view on the subject, as well as my writing, has changed.

For your reading pleasure: 

When I was younger I thought sex was just passionate kissing while you were in bed, naked. This I learned from Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis in their risqué, Top Gun sex scene; the first sex scene I had ever witnessed. (My parents were terrible at proper censorship and therefore I had access to such things.) One day, when I was in probably the second or third grade, my dad and I were watching TV and he began to give me what might commonly be referred to as “the talk”. I’m not really certain how the subject came up but what my dad told me wasn’t exactly the typical “where do babies come from” talk. 

At this point I already knew that babies came from sex. Instead of a talk about fertility, I got more of an anatomical biology lesson on sex. My dad told me that a man sticks his penis into a woman’s vagina and sperm from the man fertilizes the egg, which eventually makes a baby. This was definitely not what I saw Tom, Kelly, or any of their cohorts doing when I saw sex on television and at the soft age of seven or eight I found this entire idea to be totally unnatural and wrong. I had yet to go through puberty and although I had experienced crushes on boys I never had the urge to have sex with any of them. I just didn’t understand how a penis would, could, or even should go into a vagina and I didn’t like it one bit. 

Most of my friends admittedly never officially had “the talk” like I did. There was enough sex in the media and popular culture that they learned everything they needed to know from TV, books, and their friends. Because I was the friend who actually got “the talk”, I was the one who got to enlighten them with the penis-in-vagina reality of sex. I’m not sure if they felt the same way about it as I did. We never really talked about it. I suppose that was because we were all a bit uncomfortable with it. We also didn’t know all of the details about boners, ejaculation, uteruses, etc., so we were all silently curious as to how exactly the whole thing worked. Did a man use his hands to put the penis into the vagina? Where did the sperm come from? Does it hurt when a penis is in your vagina? How does a penis reach all the way to a woman’s stomach so that it can fertilize the egg? There were so many things we didn’t know but none of us were about to ask our parents any of these questions. I especially wasn’t going to because I didn’t want to know. As far as I was concerned sex didn’t concern me because I didn’t want to do it. 

Not long after the incident with my dad my younger brother, Tim, actually posed the question “what is sex” to my father. In anticipation for what my dad was about to tell Tim, I ran upstairs to my room, closed the door, and put my N’sync CD in my stereo at full volume because I just didn’t want to hear it. Sex seemed unnatural and made me uncomfortable. I couldn’t understand why my brother wanted or needed to know about it. He was younger than me and he had seen Tom and Kelly in Top Gun just like I had. I almost wanted to warn him. Hey Tim! You don’t want to know about sex! It is icky!

Naturally I got older and went through puberty. Puberty and hormones definitely contributed to making sex more appealing and not scary anymore. I came to accept sex as something everyone, including myself, would, could, and should engage in. I mean, if you really think about it, sex is sort of disgusting. It is the exchanging of bodily fluids by two people using parts of their body commonly associated with going to the bathroom. One could imagine how a third grader, especially one corrupted by the passionate, on screen relations of Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis, might find the idea foreign. 

My previous feelings of being scared of sex seem pretty ridiculous to me now. In fact, I find my former phobia of sex to be kind of humorous. Nowadays I am completely comfortable talking about, thinking about, and considering the reality of sex. I suppose that just shows how much I have matured since the third grade, something I’m quite proud of. 

The Magic of Social Media

Last night I experienced what can only b referred to as the magic of the internet. I think some people are afraid of the internet. They say you can't believe what you read/watch/hear. Beware of cat fishing. It's not a place to really meet people. 

Well, they're wrong! 

Last night I celebrated Eid al-fitr, the end of Ramadan, with 300 other people from the internet at a "stranger's" house. Don't believe me? Well luckily there is a video about it! All thanks to Nas Daily. 

Who is Nas? In his words, he is just a "hairy kid who wants to live the best possible life and put it on Facebook in one minute videos." So he does; and he has also created an amazingly strong internet-based community filled with people from all over the world!

But how do you get people to go from simply being friends ON the internet to becoming friends FROM the internet? According to Nas, you invite 1.5 million people to celebrate Eid with your family at your home in Arraba! 

I know a lot of people who dislike social media, and I can understand some of their reason's why. Facebook is increasingly filled with anger and political rants. Instagram can feel like a parade of vanity where people fish for compliments on the form of likes on their selfies. 

But social media is also potentially extremely powerful in positive ways. It is through social media that the ice bucket challenge raised over $100 million dollars for ALS awareness and research. It is through social media that young Egyptians and Tunisians cultivated revolutionary movements in the 2008 Arab Spring. And it is through social media that I found myself in a random Arab village in northern Israel with 300 other people from all over Israel and the world to celebrate Eid al-fitr. 

These are the kind of examples that make me so excited to be a social media professional. Through Facebook I've found a female travel support group, the place I live, and even Mindy!

So as Nas says in his video, "For the 1% chance of something bad happening...don't miss the 100% chance of something great happening!" And thank you Nas and your family for taking that chance, opening your home to hundreds of strangers, feeding us, and giving us the cultural experience of a lifetime!

Eid Sa'id! (Happy Eid! Something I learned to say from one of my new friends I made last night.)

לעשות חיים | To Do Life

I want to have an honest moment with you all. I haven't blogged in a long time. There are many reasons for that. I'm too busy. I'm forgetful. I'm distracted. But I think the biggest reason I haven't been blogging is that I've been struggling. The past year has been a challenging one and it took my writing to dark places. 

My blog is essentially about my life making Aliyah, and although I try to paint an honest picture, I do paint a story of positivity. That's not to say my experience isn't amazing. I still am (and probably always will be) amazed/inspired/in love with living in Israel everyday. But I don't want to discourage people with my hardships. 

But I also struggle. I believe those struggles have more to do with being a young adult working through life's challenges than anything else. I struggle with work, trying to make ends meet, social anxiety, the need to take care of myself, dating...the list goes on. These struggles are not new, but it has taken me a lot of time to learn how to deal with them (and I'm obviously always still learning). I often let my struggles completely debilitate me from taking part in the positive things in life. I let them make me tired and lazy. I let them defeat me, even when most of the time I've actually overcome them. More than that; I've learned from them and grown immensely.  

So here I am today, on my 26th birthday, and I'm looking at it all differently. It's like some lightbulb is finally illuminating how much I've actually grown from these struggles. I'm taking my life in my hands and moving forward with a new mindset. This year my mantra is to "Do life". לעשות חיים. Because I am here living on the earth and I should make it great. 

Another year older, another year wiser. Here's to many more years of acquiring wisdom to come. Happy birthday to me! 

Little Women

I woke up today and Facebook told me it is International Women's Day (thanks Facebook for always keeping me updated). As a young woman in this world, I think that today is somewhat for me. I might be at the beginning stages of my "womanhood" but the fact of the matter is that I am one (a woman). Right now I'm just 25 and I'm single and I live alone with my dog. It sounds simple, but I'm accomplishing a lot as a woman. I support myself. I take care of myself (and my dog!). And someday I will develop in my stages of "womanhood". I will become a wife and a mother. I will continue to climb the professional ladder, as a woman. and just as the women in my life have become role models of what it means to be a woman, I will be hopefully be one of those too.

Today is a little bit for me, but I feel it is more for the women in later stages of "womanhood". I feel it is for the ones who have shown me ways to be a woman, that I have rights, choices, strength, and a voice. In that spirit, I want to talk about two very special, important women: my grandmothers. Each of them is very different, but both have impacted my life significantly.

We'll go in alphabetical order.

Dear Grandma Mona,
Knowing your history and your passions, I think today is very much for you. You're independently responsible to have gotten where you are, to have what you have, and to have done all that you have done. We may not always see eye-to-eye on things, but I appreciate that you always challenge me. You're both intellectual and creative at the same time, and this is rare. I appreciate that you have encouraged me to pursue knowledge and to develop my creative talents. And we have Judaism. Thank you for giving me this, even if it looks different for the two of us, it binds us in a way that nothing else can. Thank you for all of our thoughtful conversations, for laughing at my jokes, for teaching me that being a Jewish woman can mean whatever I want it to be. I hope I'm living that out in a way that makes you proud.

Love, Amy

Dear Grandma Tom,
One thing that my friends always say about me is that I'm loyal. I think this is something I learned from you. I don't know many women (or people really) who stay so loyal to their families and their friends. I always remember growing up that you would give and receive cards from some of your friends all over the country--people you grew up with or have known for more than my own lifetime and you never missed their birthdays even with distance. I watched you love grandpa, literally until his last breath. Thank you for also showing me that I can be forever young. Throughout my whole life you've played games with me, shown me music and crafts, and you continue to do it with your great grandchildren. I suppose you must be getting older, because we all do, but in my eyes you are always full of youth.

Love, Amy

And to you both, I'm sorry I chose to move so far away from you, but I love and miss you everyday. And I wouldn't have the strength or motivation to pursue my dreams and goals without your influence. Thank you for being women I have learned from, can believe in, and thank you for all that you have done in my life. 

Amy's 6 Don'ts of Aliyah

For most people the new year starts on January 1st, but I get an extra week. Yes, the page in my calendar turns just like yours, but two years ago, on January 7th I began a whole new life. That's right! TWO YEARS AGO TODAY I made Aliyah to Eretz Israel.

Now, I've been on rollercoasters. I've even been on one that goes upside-down 8 times, but I'm telling you there is nothing like the ride of Aliyah. I've had ups higher than Mount Hermon, and downs lower than the Dead Sea. I've cried enough tears to replenish the shrinking Kineret (Sea of Galilee), and smiled brighter than the summer Tel Aviv sun. After two years of this ride, here are my 6 Don'ts of Aliyah:

1. Don't come here because it is going to be easy.

Like I just said, life as an olah chadasha (new immigrant) is a lot to handle. We zionists dream of coming to live in our Jewish homeland and build beautiful lives as a part of the peoplehood, and it all seems like this glorious, glowing concept. It is. But this is also a place on Earth and although this might be the land of milk and honey, life here cannot always be sweet. When you move to Israel you will be an immigrant. Being an immigrant is difficult. You are immersed fully in a new society, a new culture, and need to learn a new language.You need to find a place to live and a way to pay for it. You need to find a support system. You need to deal with the bureaucracy of the Israeli government system.  You need to bring a lot of advil because you will have a lot of headaches and you need to bring a lot of tissues because you will cry a lot of tears. But don't let it stop you. You know you want to be here and build that life, even if it is challenging. It is your nature as a Jew to face that challenge to better your people.

2. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Maybe it is because I was raised to be a strong, independent human, or maybe it is because I grew up in the modern-day United States, but for whatever reason I have always had the idea that being a successful person means being independent. In some ways that is true. It is important to be able to support yourself financially, take care of yourself, etc. However, if there is one lesson I've learned over the past two years in Israel it is that you will not make it if you do not ask for help. As I've already made plain and clear, this place is new and different from anything you're used to. You will need help navigating the healthcare system, opening your bank account, figuring out which shampoo to buy, and a whole slew of other things. You might have a rough month financially and need to borrow some money, you might be lost and need directions, or you might just need a hug. No matter what it is you need, ask for help. It is the Israeli way to help each other (even if we are yelling while we do it). The way it works is someone helps you when you need it because when they need it you will help them too. It's the only way we survive.

3. Don't feel bad about how bad your Hebrew is. (But don't stop trying.) 

In my (humble) opinion, one of the hardest things about immigrating is learning a whole new language. I see olim (immigrants) who came from Israeli families or learned Hebrew growing up and I am completely jealous. They are totally cheating! Hebrew is really complicated. Objects have genders, they have five verbs for every single action, and everything appears to be an exception. We should all just quit, right? WRONG. It will come, (super) slowly, but surely. But you need to try. When you are shopping, speak to the store workers in Hebrew. When you are eating at a restaurant, order in Hebrew. When you are at Misrad Hapanim, try to fill out as much as the form as you can before you ask someone else to do it for you. And when that frechah (guidette) American Eagle worker rolls her eyes at you and says "Em, you know you can speak English to me?", just smile and say "beseder" as you continue to break your teeth.

4. Don't get stuck in the olim bubble (or for Anglos, the Anglo bubble). 

Don't get me wrong; it is totally nice to not have to speak a word of Hebrew every now and again, but one mistake I see a lot of olim making is building their community entirely around olim and olim-centric activities. I know; it's so easy. You go straight to an Ulpan with 100 other olim and BAM! You have a pseudo family for the rest of your Israeli life. Who am I to judge? This totally works for literally thousands of olim. But in my (humble, as usual) opinion, you will miss out on so much that life in Israel has to offer if you don't take time to really bond with native Israelis and other people. Not only do they know where to find the actual "best hummus ever", they can shed a lot of light on why Israel is the way it is. Observing and learning the way they move through life here and the attitude they've developed from being raised here is really helpful in your development as an Israeli. After all, you didn't make Aliyah to not be Israeli, right?

5. Don't resist new ways to "be a Jew" or "be Jewish". 

Confession: I literally had no idea what Sephardic Jews were or that they even existed before I came to Israel. I'm super embarrassed to admit that, but it is totally true. Everyone comes from their different "Jewish world" and Israel is the place where all these world's collide. It can feel like betrayal to learn you prefer new or different customs from the ones you were raised with, but it shouldn't. This is part of the beauty of both Judaism and Israel. All of our customs are literally based on people's debates, thus there is no correct answer. The question of "who is a Jew?" is one of the hottest, and by that I mean heated, debates in the Jewish world and in Israel. As you meet new people (Jews) from all over the world, with all kinds of ethnic backgrounds and religious customs, let yourself experience some of these new things. You don't have to change your ways, but you are totally limiting yourself from really developing as a member of the Jewish people if you close yourself off to all they have to offer.

6. Don't stop exploring Israel. 

Another embarrassing confession: I lived 19 years of my life in California and I have never been to Yosemite. When you live somewhere it is very common to stop exploring. You establish your life and your routine, you have your home and your community, and it is comfortable and feels good. But just because Israel becomes normalized for you doesn't mean all of its magic disappeared. Israel might be a tiny country but there are dozens of trails to be hiked, museums to be toured, towns to be visited, and hummus to try. It will forever be the beautiful land of adventures and discovery you initially fell in love with. You just have to let it.

So as we say here in Israel, b'hatz'lcha. Good luck. Ha kol ihiyeh beseder. Everything will be ok.