Amy's Addiction

Lately I've been running into this problem. Here's the problem: I want to sleep ALL THE TIME. And consequently I often do. I go to bed at 10, wake up at 8, get out of class at 12, and I'm back in bed til 3. Then I sit at my desk or in my bed and just stare at nothing, surf the web, watch some netflix, eat some cereal...basically you get the idea. I've been unproductive and exhausted for seemingly no reason at all. Sounds depressing, cause it kinda is. BUT DO NOT FRET. I think I've figured out the problem. In addition to sleeping/dying all day everyday, I've also been resisting coffee. My thoughts were "If I'm sleeping enough I shouldn't need coffee". WRONG! This week, I've given into the stuff and I've been 100x more productive/alive (and I'm kind of being literal on this one). So call me a typical Portlander and/or college student. I have an addiction/dependency to coffee, and I'm admitting it here and now.

Music: Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros

music to my ears

Love is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time is a memoir by Rob Sheffield which explores the story of how he met and lost his wife Renee and the connection they had and have through music. As music enthusiasts their souls were intertwined in the magnetic tape of cassettes. They had mixes for every event and activity and with each mix comes memories and stories of their lives.
The book is right about love. Love is a mix tape. Life is a mix tape. My brain and your brain are mix tapes. Although not everyone appreciates music in the same capacity, everyone has some sort of relationship with it. Tons of people feel no shame in professing their love for music. We spent the mid-2000's reading 13 year old girls tell us "music is my life". And who are we to say they are wrong? Music is your life and music is my life. And where our lives come together, music is there to remind us of that. Although we might not have physical cassette tapes like Sheffield does in the book, our minds are linked to the music. Songs and musical artists remind us of people, places, events, times in our lives, etc. Music can make us laugh and reminisce. Music can make us cry and be quiet and still. Music is personal. Artists write music for whatever personal reasons they have, whether it be expression or a get-rich-quick scheme. They give it to us and then we share it with each other. I have friends who sent each other a mix CD every month when we first went away to college. It was a way for them to stay connected. It was, "hey this sone reminded me of you", "hey I know you'll love this one", or even just "hey I like this song and it will give us something to talk about together now that our lives are far apart and it is sometimes difficult to have real conversations."
I'm not exactly sure what my point is. Basically, I loved the book. It made me smile and cry and I like the message. You should read this book, or any book that can make you feel a broad spectrum of emotion. And then listen to music that does the same thing.

Music: Abbey Road (Album) - The Beatles

Ring Ring!

I realize that almost literally no one reads this blog, and it is afterall MY blog, so I can legitimately write whatever I wants. So that's what I'm about to do. I'm warning you now that this is a post that you probably won't want to read or give a fuck about. That's ok. I give a fuck, and it's my blog.

Yesterday I had one of the most excruciating headaches of my life. Overreaction. That's what that sounds like. But it was actually really, really, really painful (three really's, yea). Massaging my face/temples, being quiet, closing my eyes, etc.; nothing worked. I felt bad because I was actually out at a movie and then dinner with my friend Mike, all of which got cut short because I needed to get home in order to consume massive ammounts of Advil and pass out. So that's what I did. I went home, struggled to unlock the door, in some sort of dizzy, feverish, nauseous fit at this point, took three Advil Liquid Gels (an average dose for me as I get frequent migraines), went upstairs and rolled around in my bed until I passed out. I woke up in a daze, about an hour or so later, to a duller throbbing in my face all around my left eye, crusted drool on my pillow, and hairs clinging to the back of my sweaty neck. My thoughts: WTF that/this sucks.
Why does this event have any relevance to my life? It doesn't really, but I'm about to use it as a shitty segue into something I discovered this morning when I woke up. I actually woke up twice, the first because it was blazing hot in my bed (one of the great perks of a loft bed in the summer) so I moved to my parents room to sleep a few more hours. The second time I woke up was actually less than an hour ago. I, for God only knows what reason, decided I should go online and look at the PSU Graphic Design blog because that is what our advisor told us. This first part wasn't such a bad idea. Some of the projects looked pretty neat. I can see that the school does sort of manufacture a style, which sort of makes me mad when schools do that, but it was a style I mostly liked and wouldn't mind taking on. But anyway, the second thing I decided to do is more connected to my headache anecdote. I decided to click on the Sophomore Review link and see exactly what I have to be prepared for, as I will be up for the Sophomore Review at the end of this academic year. I click. I read. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. This Sophomore Review is what I'd like to call a metaphorical headache. My stomach hurts just thinking about this review. I'm seriously scared. I did my first semester at CCA and had one , my first, Graphic Design class. I won't lie. I did pretty well. I got an A and was one of the better students in the class. Not the best in my opinion, but the teacher felt I had a lot of skill and promise as a future designer. This all sounds good. This all sounds fine. But then I left CCA and I went to Sac City where I did one design related class and produced pure shit. This was embarrassing because my teacher at City actually went to grad school at CCA with my CCA teacher who had (unknowing to me) emailed her and said I had been one of his best students! Basically, I don't know if I have it in me. If I don't, and I shouldn't be pursuing Graphic Design...well then what should I be doing? Not to mention that is something I've got to figure out ASAP. I suppose after this first quarter I could change my mind and switch to Media Studies or Marketing, something that requires less natural talent that I may or may not actually have. O god. Why do I do this to myself?

Music: CBC Radio 3 (Canadian Radio Channel I decided to listen to because Graham Wright of Tokyo Police Club was hosting some other guy's hour)

We Are Young

A few minutes ago I was browsing photos of some of my friends (for all intents and purposes) on a recent trip they took to Europe. They just packed a few bags, went around, saw what they wanted to see, met people, and had loads of fun soaking up culture and experiencing visceral life experiences. I want to do that! I feel like although i have learned a lot in the past year, it has been nothing but difficult and full of harsh decisions, being/feeling stuck, and a lot of waiting. Alas, I continue to wait for the stage in my life where things are in line, going somewhat steadily forward, and I have the opportunity to just do whatever I want, when I want. I might sound jaded, but that is only because I do feel kind of jaded. I'm young and I feel like the prime years of my life are slipping away from me. These years should be spent exploring, experimenting, experiencing, not sitting and thinking, watching, or worrying. I want to be a little reckless and for it to be ok. But perhaps that is just it. Perhaps I've been playing it too safe. Perhaps I'm just letting fear get the best of me and that is all that prevents me from taking an impromptu trip somewhere, sacrificing a few sleepless nights in the name of fun, and breathing air the way it was meant to be breathed, slowly so that I can taste everything.

I obviously don't have all of the answers, but I know I've got to do something about this. I'm tired of being idle. I feel as though I've been settling and my life is becoming mediocre and that is something I am surely not ok with.

Music: Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine

Whoopsies!

I realize that I've been quite possibly the most awful blogger lately. I've just been so busy with working 2 jobs. Any spare time i get is spent hanging out with friends or catching up on much needed sleep! I'm declaring an OFFICIAL HIATUS of sorts. Yes, there will be the occasional post when i have time and actually remember to get to it, but my time seems to be greatly consumed!

Things that have happened lately:
1)Eclipse: Twilight Saga premier: A few of my friends and i honored our Twlilight tradition and went to the midnight showing of Eclipse (the latest Twilight Saga movie). We had a lot of fun amongst the pandemonium, trampling little girls to get good seats, and ogling gorgeous Rob Pattinson and Taylor Lautner the entire time! I personally am in a fit about Taylor Lautner. He is so beautiful!
2)4th of July: What an intense, but fun/satisfying day! First I slept in and went to lunch with my parents. After that i had to head to the Lake Natoma Inn where my cousin Jessica was getting married. The wedding was actually pretty fun and sweet. This was my first time participating in one. I was a bridesmaid, complete with awful, hot pink dress and matching wedges...haha! But after the wedding (and a wardrobe change) I got to go spend some time with my friends. We played games and just laughed. Laughing is always good. Later that night i headed to a party with a larger crowd where i got to see some of the people i very much enjoy but don't see that often. All in all, great day/night.
3)I'm steadily working on the iPhone front. It's looking good ;D

Unfortunately I don't really have any pictures of any of that. So sorry.

I've been a shitty blogger lately partially because I am so busy and partially because I haven't really been focused. But lots has been happening. Here are some mini blogs:

1) Friday i went to my cousin Jessica's bachelorette party. It was half awkward and half really fun. Awkward because I was with my cousins (who are pretty older than me) and the main decoration/theme/etc was penises. They were literally everywhere... But it was fun because I feel like i bonded with them and my cousin's friends are pretty fun i guess.
2) I saw Toy Story 3 on Saturday. I really want to write a full blog about that so look for that in the near future.
3) WTF was up with the US v. Ghana soccer game?!?!??! Yea, way to go USA. I so wish that i lived in a country that was unbelievably good at soccer. Whatever.
4) Sunday my friends and I had a picnic in the park. Minus the 100 degree weather it was quite a hit i think. I love summer activities like that, even though i don't really like summer weather when i don't have a swimming pool.
5) I've calculated everything and I can afford an iphone! I'm so excited. I just have to work out the details with my Dad when he gets home!


I want this!

Music: Heartbeats - The Knife

Coffee Break

Remember how I was unemployed and desperately seeking a job? Yea, well contrary to my usual luck, I suddenly got not one, but TWO jobs which began on Tuesday. That is partially why I have not been blogging/tweeting/tumbling/etc. very much.
My first job is from 8AM-1PM at my high school. One of the math teachers there works for a textbook company and is filming an instructional video about teaching strategies. I get to pretend I'm a high school student learning math. It is kind of ironic because math is by far my least favorite and worst subject. But the pay is pretty decent, it is temporary, I can't really get fired, and it still allows me to work at my other job.
My second job is at my dad's office. I go there immediately after Job #1 and work until 4PM. At this job all i do so far is literally enter products into Amazon.com. It is boring and I get paid minimum wage, but I am comfortable at my dad's office and honestly any money I can make is really helpful.
In addition, I've sold a few books on Amazon myself. Let's hope that the cash keeps flowing! I really need it.

Music: Breakneck Speed - Tokyo Police Club

P.s. I saw Get Him To the Greek again!!! And i bought My Bookie Wook, Russell Brand's autobiography.

I Object!

For those of you who are recently 18 or older, i'd like to remind you of a little something called "civic duty", or more specifically jury duty. Jury duty is an obligatory task, often seen as dreadful, that we Americans are forced to participate in approximately every 18 months once we become eligible (by law; yes, you will get charged and/or arrested for not showing up) as a payment to our lovely system of democracy. I recently had the pleasure of serving on my first ever jury, and I've gotta say, it really wasn't too bad. I got an inside look at our judicial system, learned that TV does not exactly present an accurate portrayal, saw a lot of interesting people, feel proud to have served my civic duty, and learned some things about lawyers.

What are some common thoughts about lawyers? They make a lot of money to screw people, they argue about everything, they are uptight from working too much, etc, etc. Well here is a little list of things I learned about lawyers as I observed them during my jury duty.
1. They are TOO smart. It is true that lawyers are very smart. They have to be clever, think on their toes, be level headed in the face of problems, have a large vocabulary, and deal with often difficult people. When they speak to witnesses on the stand (and even jurors in the jury box) they seem to have a lot of missed connections. The ghetto lady testifying that her boyfriend beat her up is saying "he jumped me" but no counselor, she is not referring to him actually jumping on her as Webster's Dictionary would define it. I'm sorry, you are just too smart to understand.
2. They wear a lot of grey/odd things. Before entering the courthouse, I had never seen that many grey pant/dress suits in my life. I suppose grey is a strong neutral that makes them appear strong and neutral...? Yea, let's go with that one. Males spruce it up their best with metallic colored ties and women with pastel colored button-up shirts. Obviously I'd struggle with the limited wardrobe options.
3. Most lawyers probably look WAY hotter outside of work. If someone is forced to wear grey pant suits all day, i could imagine that their "casual clothes" would take full advantage of their freedom. I can just tell that when those women let their hair down, it is long, flowing, and styled, much different than the bland ponytail they sport in the court room. I would at least hope they look a lot better outside of court, because they have oh so much potential.
4. Lawyers make a lot of money for 2 reasons: One, their job is actually very demanding. Two, they have to pay for those expensive suits (not to mention their student loans for law school).

Music: Alejandro - Lady Gaga (check out that video!)

Mothers Day

I'm beginning to realize that what they say is true. Teenage Rebellion is usually just a phase that we go through and grow out of. I'm on the brink of 19 and it has probably been years since i've felt the sentiment of "I want my Mommy", but that is exactly how i feel. When i was in the 8th grade i began to spend more and more time with my friends. As i gained more adult skills throughout high school, it seemed as though i never even saw my parents. They'd leave in the morning before i woke up and i'd get home long after they'd gone to sleep. They funded my shopping habits, paid for my car, school, etc, but i always felt it wasn't enough. I'd want to spend a day with them, but of course they'd planned other activities in anticipation that i'd be busy as well. Sometimes i'd be gone and come home, expecting them to be there, but they weren't because they had gone to the movies or to dinner with my brother. I was ready to leave, feeling as though i was grown up and didn't belong at home anymore. Most of the time i even felt like they wanted me gone, or at least that they wouldn't even care either way. So i left. Fall of 2009 i went away to college and lived in a dorm. As most of you know (or could guess) i ended up coming back. Things away weren't as great as i anticipated and when i felt horrible and nothing and no one seemed to make me feel better, i called my parents. Whenever my room mate went home on the weekends i'd sit in my room and cry on the phone to my mom and it temporarily made me feel better. When my dad came to visit me i cried for hours after he left. Watching my parents watch me struggle was the single most eye opening experience i've ever had. I saw love. Seeing them continue to try to help me when they knew that i could only help myself made me realize that no one can ever love me like they do. I'm now finishing my semester at Sac City and awaiting the fall when i will move away, and this time for good. But honestly i'm sad about it. I've realized that my teenage years could've been easier if i had sought out my parents for help more, but i suppose that is the purpose of our rebellion. We have it at a time where the consequences will be just enough to convince us that our parents are important, but not enough to permanently harm us. It is odd to think that i'm almost done being an adolescent, because i am so not ready to be an adult.

It is very important that today you really thank your mom (or mother figure) for all she has done in your life. Even if you aren't sure what it is, trust me that she has probably done a lot for you.

The Taxman

With tax season here and April 15th quickly approaching i hear a lot of "fuck this" from my angry father. I'm not quite up on politics, policy, the economy, etc. completely but i know my dad pays a lot of taxes and it makes him upset because he works hard to earn the money he earns (which has become less and less due to the suffering economy) and he doesn't like to give it to the government. He doesn't like the government telling him how he should use his money. I understand. He works hard and he should be able to choose where it goes. And i also see the other side. Our country and its infrastructures can't function without tax payer dollars. It is a dilemma in my mind.
I've been finding myself in more and more dilemma's such as this. The other day in my Persuasion class we got into an "argument", or more of a discussion, over the benefits and disadvantages of private, catholic education. It was hard, being a firm believer that the extreme costs and sacrifice of certain freedoms are well worth the Catholic education. I've attended secular private school, public school, and catholic private school and i do believe that the quality of education, as well as the community and support provided are beyond anything you will experience at a public school in the Sacramento area. And another student in my class made the very valid point that people who choose to send their kids to private school are still paying taxes to support a public school system that they are not benefiting from. A girl highly opposed to Catholic education feels so because she is Native American and the Catholics have a long history of using Catholic education as a name for their oppressive, slave-like institutions. I understand her concern and i don't condone what those people did in the name of a Catholic God, but all i can say is she has not experienced Catholic education like I have.
There are many other ethical and moral debates arising everyday.I suppose my point is that I am having trouble taking a stand an certain issues because i don't want to offend those around me who don't feel the same way as me, or rather I don't want to tell them what I think in fear that they will give me a lecture about how their opinion is right and mine is wrong. And sometimes i just am not sure how i feel about a certain issue, and I also don't want anyone to try to drag me to their side just because i don't yet have one.
I support gay marriage, I'm pro-life, and i think we should legalize marijuana, but i also am a huge supporter of the military, free enterprise, and capitalism. Somehow i love party loyalty and yet i hate bi-partisan politics. Sometimes i really wish i were just more extremely liberal or conservative. It might make these internal struggles easier. I seem to have so many strong philosophies about meaningless things, but on these real life issues i can't seem to take a stand.

Music: Vote - The Submarines

Tell Me Why

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but this month's Elle Magazine graced its cover with the angel-faced, teen, pop-country sensation Taylor Swift, and I have to say I've never seen her looking better. I'll be the first to admit that i originally was a Tay-Swift doubter, probably because of the bad rep she gave Joe Jonas after he broke her heart, but after reading the article i have to admit that Joe lost on that deal. Taylor naturally glows (even without the spotlight) and is exactly what the world of pop culture needs right now. Her dreamy, girlhood lyrics, sans sex appeal and drug references, remind girls everywhere that it is ok to be good. Growing up in a generation raised by Britney Spears, Mary Kate Olsen, and Lindsay Lohan, i have to say I'm glad that my young female cousins will be looking up to girls like Swift. Many poke fun at her innocence and count down the days until they will find her nude photos on the internet, but the haters will have to wait. Taylor is as genuine and innocent as she seems, and that is ok. So much of the time young people (myself, at age 18, included) are made to feel like they have to act older than they are. When we are 12 we want to be 16, 16 we want to be 18, and 18 we want to be 21, but I've found that being older is not necessarily better. Taylor Swift is a 20 year old just being herself, and although at times her fairytale lyrics might seem childish, that is exactly what they are: dreams from one girl to all of the girls out there who should enjoy being girls and not worry about when they will become a woman. So now I don't feel so bad to admit to you all that i have posters of the Jonas Brothers and Harry Potter on my walls, sleep with my teddy bear by my pillow, and i even listen to Taylor Swift.

*this post is dedicated to Claire Taylor. You can officially count me in (publicly! ha!).

Music: Tell Me Why - Taylor Swift

Dearest Friend

Dearest Friend, I love you. Dearest Friend, I miss you. Dearest Friend, I will never stop loving you or missing you. We are in different places. We may always be in different places from now until we die but you will always be on my mind and you will always be in my heart. Every year on your birthday I will think of you and find some way to tell you "Happy Birthday my very good friend. I wish you the best!" And i do. I wish you the best. One day we will be at each other's weddings. We will see each other happier than ever. We will smile at each other and say "Congratulations!". Our smiles will be full of the purest joy that can only come from loving friendship like ours. It seems to get harder as the two of us grow older, but I'll never give up because i believe in you. I believe in our friendship as though it were a physical object I can smell and taste and hold in my hands. I do hold it. I hold it in my hands and I hold it in my heart and I will never let it go.

lately i've been really realizing who my true friends are. in a few months i will leave to a new place, and i won't come back for any permanent reason. when i leave i will be given the choice to hold on to the people i want to and let go of the ones i can and should be without. thank you to anyone who has been a true friend to me, never wronging me intentionally, always worrying about me, putting up with the fact that i'm not always the best person, and loving me despite anything and everything. if this is you, you'll surely know who you are. thank you to anyone who has wronged me, who has maliciously tried to cause chaos and stress in my life. without you to compare the good ones to i wouldn't know just how great they are. i hope you can possibly find some better purpose in your life someday.

creative project

so, i have a bit of a problem. my problem is i haven't been able to create since art school. you'd think that being at a place of education solely dedicated to creating would help me and inspire me. nope. it had quite the opposite effect. it is soul crushing, world ending to think that you've figured out that you love beautiful things and you want to create beautiful things for the rest of your life as a career and then come to a point where you are unable to do so. well, i can't go on like this much longer so i've come up with a plan in order to solve it. i'm going to do a sort of 365 Project, but with art. each day (starting with March 1st, which is tomorrow) i will force myself to sit down and draw something, paint something, illustrate something. this could mean sketching in a sketchbook, drawing on my arm, on the wall, anything, anywhere. it probably won't be good at first but i'm going to make myself do it in hopes that i will begin to be inspired again and be able to do what i loved doing best again.


Music: Ageless Beauty - Stars

i'm missing a few people. people like the boys who weren't my lovers, but weren't my brothers. they were just my friends. right now i really want to spend time with them, to chill with them, to watch Wedding Crashers with them and laugh easily and without using my brain. i want to take naps on their couches and watch them try to dance at night in the park. i want to online shop with them and lose miserably at video games to them.
i'm missing a few things. things like the hot summer sun coaxing me out of my jeans and into cutoffs and then into my swimsuit and eventually the pool. things like sunglasses and diet coke that still tastes good even when the ice cubes completely melt and make it watery. things like staying out all night and going where ever i want, no concern of the late hour because i had the option of sleeping all day.
i miss sleeping all day and enjoying it rather than sleeping all day hoping that when i wake up enough time will have passed and it will be a day when i will get to enjoy all of these people and all of these things.

The Pregnancy Pact

i just finished watching the lifetime original movie The Pregnancy Pact. the movie is based on the true story of a small town high school where a large number of teenage girls (16 and younger) become pregnant in a short period of time. the film deals with a rumor that many of the girls became pregnant on purpose and made a deal with each other that they would all have babies together, as teenagers. true or not, that is not the issue i'm really concerned with. here is the reality of the situation: most teenagers will/do not wait until they are married to have sex.
the most important thing that adults can do for their teens (i hate they are constantly being referred to as children) is not only educate them about birth control and protection from STDs but also willingly provide them. if you don't want your daughter have sex and she confides in you, telling you she is planning on/or is already sexually active and wants to take measures to prevent pregnancy then i suggest you help her out for a few reasons. first of all she trusts you and if you yell at her and punish her then you will shut down any amount of trust between the two of you. second of all she will probably have sex anyway and without the proper birth control ad contraceptives she will be at risk for pregnancy and STDs.
but that isn't to say that adults are to blame. teenagers, if you are going to have sex, be smart. use condoms and/or other birth control methods. really think about the decisions you are making. girls are not meant to be mothers. women are. when you're 15, 16 or even 18 you are most likely not equipped to deal with something like raising a child. yes, i understand that it might be your only life dream to raise a family but there is plenty of time for that. i'm 18 years old and i can barely navigate the world in regards to taking care of myself let alone being responsible for the life of another.
i'm not an advocate for abstinence but i'm not an advocate for being sexually active as a teen either. i'm an advocate for smart and safe thinking before making decisions that can alter your life.

sactown livin'

it is now sunday and that means Claire officially left yesterday and Sarah leaves today. a lot of others have gone and the rest will be leaving soon. but not i. i will be remaining here, in Sacramento, for this spring semester. i've spent a few days over break hanging out with some of my Sacramento companions (who still live here) and have been taking notes on what i will be doing while i live here in my new state (as a college student, i guess).

so far i've observed that the majority of my time outside of school and work (at the job i still don't have but am working on getting) will be spent drinking coffee, thrifting, eating moderately priced food, sitting at home on the internet/reading (yay!), and going to random places with random people whom i hope will stop being so random and start becoming people i can comfortably call my friends. when it comes down to it, i may be from Sacramento but really have no idea what i'm doing here. but i have hope for this new year at a new school with my new hair and glasses.

Music: On Directing - Tegan and Sara

desperate reblog

i didn't want to post until after christmas festivities but i just couldn't help myself. i have to spread the word of the amazing Tokyo Police Club (or at least have an outlet for my excitement)!


Christmas is just 2 days away and i'm pretty excited. my dad's side of the family had a hanukkah celebration this past sunday and it was fun. my cousins and i ate latkes and played Beatles Rock Band. winter break has been mostly fantastic, just how i like things to be.

Music: TOKYO POLICE CLUB!!!! and the Harlem Shakes

home is where the ___ is

i have a question. when do college students stop wanting to/getting excited about coming home? when do they begin to refer to their college town as their home? now, i know i have a bias because i don't particularly like my college situation and will be returning to sacramento for a semi-permanent time in five days, but i still see on all of my friends' twitters and facebook statuses that say they can't wait to go home as well. all of them are having a great time in college and yet they still want to return. i remember before we all left everyone said they couldn't wait to leave and to be on their own. now we find ourselves counting down the days until we return. i for one enjoy being at home with my parents. it is one of those "you don't know what you've got til it's gone" situations, and i found out that i'm not quite ready to be without them. i'm not sure why others are so eager to come home. we've all been at college for about 4 months, and in the span of our short lives that is a long time. don't get me wrong, i enjoy the enthusiasm from my friends when we are home and know that we only have short time together but i have to wonder when it will end. how long will it be until we stop returning home for holidays, going elsewhere with new friends? i don't know and i'm not really sure i want to.

Music: Kissing the Lipless - The Shins

black winter

lately i've been reading a lot of fashion blogs (my faves are linked to the left) and i find it all so inspiring that i thought i'd blog about my current fashion obsessions/aspirations/thoughts. having just painted my nails a navy blue, right now i'm feeling the winter vibe and wanting to wear dark colors. i'm in a dark, gunmetal, heavy knits, and loose-fitting tunics kind of phase. i just want to buy up every pair of black skinny pants i can find and black t-shirt tunics to match. this is hard for me because previously i really wasn't a fan of buying a lot of black clothing so in turn i don't have much. i wish stores were like movie rentals where you could just get things you wanted and then gave them back. instead of going out and buying a whole new black, super studded wardrobe i've been doing what i can to incorporate my newfound love for darkness into my look. dirty, gold pyramidal studded earrings to replace my little diamonds, dark shades of nail polish (of which i've always been a fan), loads of eyeliner and mascara, a new charcoal peacoat, an old, large sweater from my mom's drawer, and black leggings have all been my best friends these past few weeks. perhaps once i get home for winter i will thrift to find some cheap pieces.

(silly photobooth time)

Music: Tristan - Patrick Wolf, Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

i question God everyday to ask why things happen to me. i question God everyday to ask why things don't happen to me. i question God everyday to ask why things happen to other people. i have yet to get any sort of answers. i just don't understand it.