Goals

Wow, I haven't updated the world (or at least this little blogging world) about the last few months. There are lots of possibilities of why...but I'm really not sure. It isn't that I've lost inspiration. Israel has not stopped being Israel and I have not stopped being fascinated. It isn't because nothing noteworthy has happened. I've celebrated holidays, turned 25, went on tiyuls (trips), ate delicious food, met famous Israelis, etc, etc. It also isn't because I'm not writing. I have countless notes on my iPhone written during bus rides that ended up being twice as long as they should have.

I'm not sure what to attribute to my lack of blogging. I think it is something like laziness and tiredness. Everyone who knows me knows I WORK A LOT. It can be frustrating to tears at times, but it is also rewarding. However, I find myself in a rut many modern day adults find themselves in. I work and my personal life has disappeared. Not even the "extra" parts of a personal life - spending time with friends, traveling, having fun. I'm talking about having time and/or energy to wash my dishes, make a proper meal, do my laundry. I rarely even speak to my friends or family back in the states because I'm home by 8 and in bed by 10. It sounds depressing because it is.

But in the last couple weeks I've been pushing myself to change this. I've decided that having fun, keeping in touch with my loved ones, and things of that nature, are NOT EXTRA. I can no longer think of them in these terms. I must think of them as necessary to my well-being, because they are. So in my new schedule for my life I do dishes on these days, laundry on this day, cook food on these days, take Mindy to the dog park on this day, and go to at least one purely social, non-work-related thing per week. There are still late nights in the office on occasion but I really try to leave the office by 7, 8 at the very latest. The rest of the work will get finished the next day. This I am learning from the other people I work with. Their professional advice has been very valuable.

It can be scary to set goals for yourself for fear of failure. I think that is one reason why it is so easy to get stuck in the cycle of overworking. Work goals come with clearer outcomes of success. If my boss or the CEO is happy with my work then I am encouraged to keep doing what I'm doing, staying longer and longer hours. At home there is no cheerleader. The only person who will pat me on the back for cleaning the kitchen is me. (Mindy doesn't even care because she doesn't eat on dishes.)

It has only been 2 weeks of this new practice for my life. But with every "accomplishment" I am gaining momentum. That is part of why I'm writing this somewhat disjointed blog post. I figure, if I at least write and publish something then I will feel accomplished; and that motivates me to continue the practice. So blogging more again is a goal. Reading more again is a goal. Doing arts & crafts again is a goal. Congratulating myself for the things I am accomplishing more, and getting down on myself for the things I haven't gotten done less, is a goal.

(All of this talk of goals is reminding me that one of my goals is to watch Eurocup!)

The Intensity

Intense would be the most accurate word to describe last night. 

I sat in the pit of the Latrun amphitheater surrounded by a number of people. Closest to me were the family of the bereaved; families who have lost their sweet children. Their sweet children (and yes they are just children when they enter the army, boys and girls of 18 years) gave their lives protecting and serving the State of Israel. Beyond that were thousands of my Masa participants, many experiencing Yom Hazikaron, Israel's Memorial Day to honor fallen soldiers and victims of terrorism, on Israeli soil for the first time.

We sat together as figures of the Jewish world spoke, music was played, and photos of their proud faces flashed on the screen. Proud faces, because they were proud people. Proud to serve Israel, protect its people from the many threats against it. 

We are proud of them too. But we are also sad. We are sad because they were taken from us doing something so good, something so honorable. We ask "How can souls so generous lose in the fickle game of life?". It is not fair. They were the good ones. They are the heroes, and in the movies the hero always wins, right? Well this is not the movies, my friends. This is our reality.

Needless to say unstoppable tears streamed down my face. I gasped for air with each new face on the screen as one thought swirled through my mind: I am only able to be here because of them.

Today the government estimates that more than a million people will visit 52 cemeteries throughout the nation. The rest of us will sit in our places of work, or in our homes, and remember each and every one of these lives lost for us.

It is too true here in Israel--We live for each other, and we die for each other as well. There are no sales here because life is priceless. Memorial Day is for remembering, even though it can be one of the hardest things for us to do.

Today I hope my words may have caused you to shed even a single tear of sadness for the fallen, heroes each and every one of them, and tomorrow I promise to make you cry tears of joy, because the people of Israel live.